Are we stupid in general? or do only some of us lose control of our brains at times?
As first found in the 'Stupid' books of Leland Gregory [but shortened and re-worded except where quoted]:
*According to the AP in 2004: a "Norwegian motorist is slapped with parking ticket while stuck in traffic jam." [Must be a new source of income for the City.]
*In 1996 according to a police report: a school bus driver and his friend were charged with child endangerment because they told scary stories to five and six year old passengers. [Overheard in prison: "I'm in this dump for mass murder, meat. What did you do?" "I told scary stories to my bus passenger children."]
*In 1991, Japan had its biggest traffic jam in history. After a typhoon, about 15,000 vehicles were at a standstill over 94 miles of road! [And no port-a-potties!]
*In 1993, a traffic commissioner dismissed a speeding ticket because the issuing cop's motorcycle was the wrong color. ??? It was painted blue and white instead of the required black and white. [The uniform, helmet, siren, chase, and stop apparently didn't give the motorist a clue---because black isn't blue! Give me a break!]
*A newspaper ad: "Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with rounded bottom for efficient beating." ['nuff said.]
*Warning found on a Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children." [Good advice for the continuation of the families.]
*A sign outside a furniture store in Virginia: "Antique tables made here daily." [Must be a distressed business.]
*An instruction sign on a camera back a few years ago: "This camera only works when there is film inside." [I guess air is not a good photographic medium.]
*Newspaper ad: "Christmas sale. Hand made gifts for the hard-to-find person." [Too many people playing hide-and-seek.]
In Middle English, the word 'balded' meant white. Ultimately, the word was shortened to 'bald,' and the American Eagle---with its white-feathered head---became known as a 'bald' eagle. [Despite the book title, I wouldn't say this fact is stupid. It's a factual explanation of something most of us glide over.]
****
Television commercials:
*In an ad for a Lawyers' Firm, a supposed client says: "...He was more than a lawyer. He was a human being..." [as opposed to, say, a shark?]
*Attend the MMI tech school and learn about motorcycles: "...I get up every day, and I love what I do..." [I love getting up every day also. It means my obituary won't be the morning's newspapers.]
Our children are currently being represented as dumb instead of smart, and the ad writers are as asinine as usual. Dumb down the population so you can sell more product. There's a Totino commercial making the rounds on television. Two boys are standing in front of a freezer [with no back, by the way] and calling Mom on the cell phone. "Mom, we're dying!" "No you're not. You're just hungry." They're at the freezer with the door wide open---and I always thought to die you had to stick your head in an oven. Staring them in the face is a bright yellow box of Totinos. They can't see it. Mom has to direct them to turn their gaze a few inches to the left where the yellow box is quite apparent. Okay they say. Thanks Mom. The boys grab the box, put the phone in the freezer, turn away while leaving the door wide open. At the table is a plate of Totino's exuding cigarette smoke to make you think they're hot and fresh. That's really something you would expect from Doug Hefernan or Arthur Spooner and Carrie. By the way, anyone remember: energy shortages? fatty fast food? education levels? common sense?
Showing posts with label ads. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ads. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Whisper: just pay separate processing and shipping
*Every time I see a documentary about a sunken ship and its investigation, the sea seems filled with snowflakes. I'm not a marine biologist. Does anyone know what those things are? They seem to be floating with the current and make the sunken ships seem like Christmas decorations. Are they plankton? Krill? I can see that they're not air bubbles. They vary in size and seem solid, if flaky. Do the fish have 'snow' shovels?
*My ears and eyes continue to be assailed by those TV commercials from a collectors' mint about gold coin proofs of all sizes. The beginning of each commercial describes in detail the make-up and history of a gold coin with inflated value numbers, making it sound as if you're going to be able to buy one. Then they pop in with their actual product: a 'proof.' Now according to the Ask.com dictionary, in numismatics a proof is "one of a limited number of coins of a new issue struck from polished dies on a blank having a polished or matte surface." The Government Mint sells proof sets all the time. But, the TV dealers just create a new definition of the term for their own benefits. And they don't explain the differences. They call their product [a non usable coin, by the way; and generally having no secondary market] a gold proof, but they also sneak in the modifying word "clad." And of course, the ubiquitous 'certificate of authenticity.' What's that? Does the certificate state that the company is shamming the buyer? Does it explain there's no re-seller market? Then, in small print you find that gold clad means the use of 10mg or 15mg or 55mg---though you'll rarely hear about any 'clad' that heavy---pure gold. At the conversion rate, each quoted mg equals .000032 ounce of gold. What? All those zeros after the decimal and before an actual crooked number? Of course. .000032 troy ounce of gold at $1,200 per troy ounce equals 38 cents, 57 cents, and $1.90! respectively.
And if gold skyrockets to $1,500 per troy ounce? Well, the calculation leads to 48 cents, 72 cents, and $2.40! The ads claim they can't guarantee the prices for very long. Hah!! Have I got a bridge to sell you! Besides, the same commercial keeps running and running and the price never changes. It doesn't have to. There's so much profit built into the price already---and most other TV ads spout the same $19.95 [a number rarely exceeded in any TV ad.] Foggeddaboutit! These are not investment articles. If you need gold, buy gold directly from a reputable dealer. Their gold pieces are actually gold and not some unknown center clad with a few cents of gold leaf.
By the way, National Collector's mint is selling a 'clad proof' of the 1933 Double Eagle for $19.95 [31.1mg in the clad.] That gold content is worth $1.19. Is this object worth $19.95 and no resale market? You decide.
*I'm impressed with the simplicity of the credits for the movie 'All That Money Can Buy' 1941, better known as 'The Devil and Daniel Webster.' After the title, we see a list of 'Before the Camera' personnel, and then a list for 'Behind the Camera' personnel. No fighting for predominance of larger letters and the luster now shown by calling pictures by their directors' names, or including the names of actors before the title. Egos are always out-sized in Hollywood, usually from the feelings of [mostly false] self-importance and wealth. We need to return to simplicity. Doesn't Hollywood realize that super egotism is leading the film industry to near irrelevance?
*I've often wondered at the stupidity of movie and television criminals. When they outnumber the good guy [Walker, Texas Ranger as an example], why do they stand back and only attack him one by one---or by two in a carefully choreographed stupidity. If they grouped and attacked all at once, they'd have subdued him. But I guess that wouldn't make good results for a movie or TV show, would it? In most cases, a real attack by three people would probably corral any hero.
*One way of reducing cell phone and texting time when you're doing the calling is to allow your call to ring more than three times. It's hardly enough time for the other party to get from one room to another to answer you. Impatient America, what's your hurry?---yes, it happens to me.
*I wish State Farm, GEICO, 21st Century, and the rest of the companies showing television ads today would define their terms: such as coverage, time span, deductible, etc. And that means telling what the base is for giving discounts. 40% off what? 15% off what? If one has a lower basic rate, then having a smaller percentage off might actually be a bigger savings in dollars in many cases? And the savings on switching from other companies claiming great discounts doesn't make sense. So, this is a situation where the insurance companies all fighting amongst themselves with apples and oranges and pears. 'My 40% savings is bigger than your 40% savings!' By the way, NONE of these insurance companies is planning on losing money selling insurance this way. And some of the commercials are getting very arrogant with their condescending attitudes---like those with the smarmy young gun spouting off about State Farm.
*The kiss of death: 'just pay separate shipping and handling [processing.]' Interested in 'Mighty Fix-It?' 'Get three rolls for $10---but wait! We'll add another three rolls simply for processing and shipping.' Now just how expensive can it be to send six rolls of this stuff through the mail? $2? $3? Since processing and shipping is $5.95, you're actually paying $21.90 for those six rolls? A bargain? I don't rightly know. All I know is that all these TV ads doubling your offer for a separate processing and shipping charge---practically noted in a whisper so you can miss it---are all expensive choices. You don't actually think these people are in business for their health? Of course not. Most of the processing and shipping charges along with the basic product minus a probable cheap production cost give them a tidy profit. Otherwise, they wouldn't be buying TV air time. [By the way: each roll of 'Mighty Fix-It' is ten feet long, and you could use it up with just one or two of the applications shown on TV---especially if you're prone to overkill.
*Another spurious value currently being touted on TV is the 'Optic 1050' binocular offer. Just $19.98 for this great binocular---but wait again, we'll include a pencil type spy-scope [I've had one of those. They're virtually worthless.] But wait again and again! We'll include a smaller, travel binocular as well. All this for the basic price and the various duplicated shipping and handling costs. A $200 value! Where??? Duh??? These spyglasses are certainly not worth $200. For a $200 expenditure, you'll be able to buy a reputable binocular with average quality. Better binoculars cost anywhere from $500 to $2,000.
*I have nothing against companies advertising their useful and fairly priced goods. I just don't like the mis-information and outright lying in some TV ads. If Congress really wants to do something useful, stop taxing small business to death and go after the TV liars.
* I was once a big fan of archaeology, especially of Ancient Egypt. But in these modern days, I find it more and more to be a type of modern grave robbing. The archaeologists are very concerned with dead bodies. They find them, unbury them, date them, and put them on display for all to see---thus proving that no matter how wealthy you are, you're still completely helpless in death. The wealthy have big tombs and monuments, so a couple of thousand years from now---assuming human beings are still alive and kicking---they'll be the ones dug up and studied. [I hope the archaeologists are too.] So much for the sanctity of the human body. Actually, you can fool them all and be cremated!
*There's much consternation about the falling attendance at NASCAR events. I know the bad economy and the oppressive tax burdens have combined to reduce the gate, but I also think NASCAR is chopping down its own tree. So, I suggest some changes. Firstly, award five points for the pole position as well as allowing the driver to pick first for pit lane box. Secondly, since NASCAR wants a play-off, it should do it right. The twelve chase drivers should line up in the first twelve positions for every race in the chase, according to qualifying speeds. The rest of the drivers can line up behind them based on qualifying speed. Thus two drivers will get the pole points, but the twelve chase drivers should have first picks on the pit lane boxes. The race would be more of a 'chase race' then, and the top twelve cars---who raced 2/3rds of a season to get where they finished---should be predominate in each of the races. Of course, that doesn't prevent a non-chase driver from winning or placing in the top few spots. It just the top twelve who should be spotlighted by NASCAR.
*If, like the TV commercial says to the general public, it's 'your Pizza Hut,' does that mean I'll be going getting profit-sharing checks? How much is my share and when do I get it? I'd be okay taking it all in free pizza.
*'Get your thicker, higher gloss hair from our product.' Then these models swirl their hair all around to give you an idea of what to expect. Now, be honest. How often do you see a women with hair like that in real life? I thought so. I never see them either. You'd think they could come up with a better type of commercial for all these hair products.
*There are a lot of movies out there where the star's singing voice is dubbed. My sense is if the star can't sing, that star shouldn't be in a movie that calls for it. What's next? Dubbing lines? Using the stand in for most of the movie? The whole Hollywood experience needs a complete overhaul. Never mind the financial firms. Pass a bill about Hollywood and its extremists.
*My ears and eyes continue to be assailed by those TV commercials from a collectors' mint about gold coin proofs of all sizes. The beginning of each commercial describes in detail the make-up and history of a gold coin with inflated value numbers, making it sound as if you're going to be able to buy one. Then they pop in with their actual product: a 'proof.' Now according to the Ask.com dictionary, in numismatics a proof is "one of a limited number of coins of a new issue struck from polished dies on a blank having a polished or matte surface." The Government Mint sells proof sets all the time. But, the TV dealers just create a new definition of the term for their own benefits. And they don't explain the differences. They call their product [a non usable coin, by the way; and generally having no secondary market] a gold proof, but they also sneak in the modifying word "clad." And of course, the ubiquitous 'certificate of authenticity.' What's that? Does the certificate state that the company is shamming the buyer? Does it explain there's no re-seller market? Then, in small print you find that gold clad means the use of 10mg or 15mg or 55mg---though you'll rarely hear about any 'clad' that heavy---pure gold. At the conversion rate, each quoted mg equals .000032 ounce of gold. What? All those zeros after the decimal and before an actual crooked number? Of course. .000032 troy ounce of gold at $1,200 per troy ounce equals 38 cents, 57 cents, and $1.90! respectively.
And if gold skyrockets to $1,500 per troy ounce? Well, the calculation leads to 48 cents, 72 cents, and $2.40! The ads claim they can't guarantee the prices for very long. Hah!! Have I got a bridge to sell you! Besides, the same commercial keeps running and running and the price never changes. It doesn't have to. There's so much profit built into the price already---and most other TV ads spout the same $19.95 [a number rarely exceeded in any TV ad.] Foggeddaboutit! These are not investment articles. If you need gold, buy gold directly from a reputable dealer. Their gold pieces are actually gold and not some unknown center clad with a few cents of gold leaf.
By the way, National Collector's mint is selling a 'clad proof' of the 1933 Double Eagle for $19.95 [31.1mg in the clad.] That gold content is worth $1.19. Is this object worth $19.95 and no resale market? You decide.
*I'm impressed with the simplicity of the credits for the movie 'All That Money Can Buy' 1941, better known as 'The Devil and Daniel Webster.' After the title, we see a list of 'Before the Camera' personnel, and then a list for 'Behind the Camera' personnel. No fighting for predominance of larger letters and the luster now shown by calling pictures by their directors' names, or including the names of actors before the title. Egos are always out-sized in Hollywood, usually from the feelings of [mostly false] self-importance and wealth. We need to return to simplicity. Doesn't Hollywood realize that super egotism is leading the film industry to near irrelevance?
*I've often wondered at the stupidity of movie and television criminals. When they outnumber the good guy [Walker, Texas Ranger as an example], why do they stand back and only attack him one by one---or by two in a carefully choreographed stupidity. If they grouped and attacked all at once, they'd have subdued him. But I guess that wouldn't make good results for a movie or TV show, would it? In most cases, a real attack by three people would probably corral any hero.
*One way of reducing cell phone and texting time when you're doing the calling is to allow your call to ring more than three times. It's hardly enough time for the other party to get from one room to another to answer you. Impatient America, what's your hurry?---yes, it happens to me.
*I wish State Farm, GEICO, 21st Century, and the rest of the companies showing television ads today would define their terms: such as coverage, time span, deductible, etc. And that means telling what the base is for giving discounts. 40% off what? 15% off what? If one has a lower basic rate, then having a smaller percentage off might actually be a bigger savings in dollars in many cases? And the savings on switching from other companies claiming great discounts doesn't make sense. So, this is a situation where the insurance companies all fighting amongst themselves with apples and oranges and pears. 'My 40% savings is bigger than your 40% savings!' By the way, NONE of these insurance companies is planning on losing money selling insurance this way. And some of the commercials are getting very arrogant with their condescending attitudes---like those with the smarmy young gun spouting off about State Farm.
*The kiss of death: 'just pay separate shipping and handling [processing.]' Interested in 'Mighty Fix-It?' 'Get three rolls for $10---but wait! We'll add another three rolls simply for processing and shipping.' Now just how expensive can it be to send six rolls of this stuff through the mail? $2? $3? Since processing and shipping is $5.95, you're actually paying $21.90 for those six rolls? A bargain? I don't rightly know. All I know is that all these TV ads doubling your offer for a separate processing and shipping charge---practically noted in a whisper so you can miss it---are all expensive choices. You don't actually think these people are in business for their health? Of course not. Most of the processing and shipping charges along with the basic product minus a probable cheap production cost give them a tidy profit. Otherwise, they wouldn't be buying TV air time. [By the way: each roll of 'Mighty Fix-It' is ten feet long, and you could use it up with just one or two of the applications shown on TV---especially if you're prone to overkill.
*Another spurious value currently being touted on TV is the 'Optic 1050' binocular offer. Just $19.98 for this great binocular---but wait again, we'll include a pencil type spy-scope [I've had one of those. They're virtually worthless.] But wait again and again! We'll include a smaller, travel binocular as well. All this for the basic price and the various duplicated shipping and handling costs. A $200 value! Where??? Duh??? These spyglasses are certainly not worth $200. For a $200 expenditure, you'll be able to buy a reputable binocular with average quality. Better binoculars cost anywhere from $500 to $2,000.
*I have nothing against companies advertising their useful and fairly priced goods. I just don't like the mis-information and outright lying in some TV ads. If Congress really wants to do something useful, stop taxing small business to death and go after the TV liars.
* I was once a big fan of archaeology, especially of Ancient Egypt. But in these modern days, I find it more and more to be a type of modern grave robbing. The archaeologists are very concerned with dead bodies. They find them, unbury them, date them, and put them on display for all to see---thus proving that no matter how wealthy you are, you're still completely helpless in death. The wealthy have big tombs and monuments, so a couple of thousand years from now---assuming human beings are still alive and kicking---they'll be the ones dug up and studied. [I hope the archaeologists are too.] So much for the sanctity of the human body. Actually, you can fool them all and be cremated!
*There's much consternation about the falling attendance at NASCAR events. I know the bad economy and the oppressive tax burdens have combined to reduce the gate, but I also think NASCAR is chopping down its own tree. So, I suggest some changes. Firstly, award five points for the pole position as well as allowing the driver to pick first for pit lane box. Secondly, since NASCAR wants a play-off, it should do it right. The twelve chase drivers should line up in the first twelve positions for every race in the chase, according to qualifying speeds. The rest of the drivers can line up behind them based on qualifying speed. Thus two drivers will get the pole points, but the twelve chase drivers should have first picks on the pit lane boxes. The race would be more of a 'chase race' then, and the top twelve cars---who raced 2/3rds of a season to get where they finished---should be predominate in each of the races. Of course, that doesn't prevent a non-chase driver from winning or placing in the top few spots. It just the top twelve who should be spotlighted by NASCAR.
*If, like the TV commercial says to the general public, it's 'your Pizza Hut,' does that mean I'll be going getting profit-sharing checks? How much is my share and when do I get it? I'd be okay taking it all in free pizza.
*'Get your thicker, higher gloss hair from our product.' Then these models swirl their hair all around to give you an idea of what to expect. Now, be honest. How often do you see a women with hair like that in real life? I thought so. I never see them either. You'd think they could come up with a better type of commercial for all these hair products.
*There are a lot of movies out there where the star's singing voice is dubbed. My sense is if the star can't sing, that star shouldn't be in a movie that calls for it. What's next? Dubbing lines? Using the stand in for most of the movie? The whole Hollywood experience needs a complete overhaul. Never mind the financial firms. Pass a bill about Hollywood and its extremists.
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Hot off the Presses fromYour Friendly, Retired CPA
*Looking for cheap phone service? A system called OOMA professes to give you free home phone service. BUT! Firstly, you have to have a working land-line, meaning your phone company still provides service for what? $20 a month? Then you have to buy the OOMA equipment in various configurations for $249.95; pay $40 to transfer your existing phone number; $12 to change your number or the name on the account. Your monthly charges for your free phone service include: $5 for enhanced voice-mail; $3.47 [in New Haven CT] for taxes and fees---regulatory compliance; 911 service fee; federal universal service charge. Further costs include: $.99 per directory assistance call; $40 per year for support; $50 per year extended warranty. And so my friends, the OOMA free home phone service is anything but free.
The ads also spout that international calls begin at 1.4 cents per minute. That amount is for Canada; all other countries are higher. The ad goes on to claim that such international phone charges are "next to nothing". It all depends on your definition of 'next' and 'nothing.' Home big is it? I compared some of the minute charges with those from Magic Jack---second figure in [xx] for each Country: Canada 1.4 [0]; China 2.5 [2.0]; Mexico 7.0 [9.0]; Afghanistan [call Osama?] 49.0 [32.0]; Antarctica $1.87 [$1.21]; Egypt 22.2 [17.0]; and Ireland 2.3 [2.0]. You'll see that some Countries are actually cheaper with OOMA, but you have to fork over a bundle just to get to the dial.
*Are your arms flabby? Well, you need a 'Shake Weight!' Spend $19.95 to purchase this arm-shaking system to tone up your arms. It's new! It's neato! But wait! Can't you get the same exercise by using a cocktail shaker? And men? Well, you have to pony up $29.95 for the thing which will help you become muscle bound in no time. If this exercise is so great, why don't all bartenders have strong, toned upper arms? Personally I'd like my vodka martini [shaken not stirred] to help tone up my arms while it destroys my liver.
*Here it is. The new and revolutionary Mighty Corsage! Grow it on your arm or lapel as you need it. It stays dormant sealed in it's packet. Take it out, place it in it's holder [lapel, breast, or arm] with a touch of water, and it will grow to maturity in two or three hours [you must provide your own bee.] A gorgeous bunch of flowers to enhance your image. Only $19.95 plus shipping and handling [$19.95]. But wait! Call today [but we can only accept 2,000,000 orders each day] and we'll include a brand new used Yugo car! Just pay a separate shipping charge [$3,500.] But wait again! We'll include a special DVD with The Best of Vince---you know we can't do it all day---for your viewing and listening pleasure. Just pay the separate shipping and handling cost [$29.95.] So CALL NOW and get that thing I said for $19.95 plus shipping and handling, the Yugo---just pay a separate shipping and handling cost, and the DVD---just pay the separate shipping and handling cost.
Remember folks, all those ads on TV for items costing $10 or $19.95 are going to cost you a lot more. The shipping and handling fees are high, and that's how they make a profit. When they double something, they add more shipping and handling. When they add more items to the offer, they add more shipping and handling. Also remember, that these companies aren't giving anything away. They're in the business to make money, and that's what they're going to do: right from your wallet or purse.
*Scientists today, as shown on the Science Channel all the time, are trying their best to explain life, the Big Bang and other astronomical and biological miracles in terms of chance encounters, physical interactions, and time. They notably leave out God in all their discussions. I believe that the entire span of life of the Universe was decided in a second or less by God before He created the Big Bang. Everything that happened after that was guided by God's hand in the physical interactions from His creation of physics, chemistry, biology, astronomy, etc. Creating and giving mankind the freedom of will and action, however, was a deviation from the plan. He wanted us to be free to do what we wanted and develop the faith to believe in Him and His works. I've been reading books and articles on astronomy, physics, chemistry, sociology, biology,religion and numerous other areas for fifty years. And my faith is still strong. Mankind has deviated from what could have been for happiness and security for all, and he has divided his thoughts and actions between good and evil. We still suffer from the evil part. When the scientists finally admit that God was the prime mover in creation, they'll probably work on trying to discover who or what created God.
*"...If you or a loved one suffered serious side effects or died from using Avandia, call this office and speak to a qualified attorney to discuss monetary damages you could receive." This ad is directed to YOU! Now, how the devil can YOU call an attorney if you're dead??
*"I just wanted to look around." I like Ancestry.com, but not the newer commercials. They claim someone can go online and quick as a flash, information on the persons parentage will appear like magic from other members Family Trees. Well, that sounds good, but I've found enough errors in a lot of family trees to make me question almost all the information provided. If you're doing research, you have to remember to take third-party information with a grain of salt.
The ads also spout that international calls begin at 1.4 cents per minute. That amount is for Canada; all other countries are higher. The ad goes on to claim that such international phone charges are "next to nothing". It all depends on your definition of 'next' and 'nothing.' Home big is it? I compared some of the minute charges with those from Magic Jack---second figure in [xx] for each Country: Canada 1.4 [0]; China 2.5 [2.0]; Mexico 7.0 [9.0]; Afghanistan [call Osama?] 49.0 [32.0]; Antarctica $1.87 [$1.21]; Egypt 22.2 [17.0]; and Ireland 2.3 [2.0]. You'll see that some Countries are actually cheaper with OOMA, but you have to fork over a bundle just to get to the dial.
*Are your arms flabby? Well, you need a 'Shake Weight!' Spend $19.95 to purchase this arm-shaking system to tone up your arms. It's new! It's neato! But wait! Can't you get the same exercise by using a cocktail shaker? And men? Well, you have to pony up $29.95 for the thing which will help you become muscle bound in no time. If this exercise is so great, why don't all bartenders have strong, toned upper arms? Personally I'd like my vodka martini [shaken not stirred] to help tone up my arms while it destroys my liver.
*Here it is. The new and revolutionary Mighty Corsage! Grow it on your arm or lapel as you need it. It stays dormant sealed in it's packet. Take it out, place it in it's holder [lapel, breast, or arm] with a touch of water, and it will grow to maturity in two or three hours [you must provide your own bee.] A gorgeous bunch of flowers to enhance your image. Only $19.95 plus shipping and handling [$19.95]. But wait! Call today [but we can only accept 2,000,000 orders each day] and we'll include a brand new used Yugo car! Just pay a separate shipping charge [$3,500.] But wait again! We'll include a special DVD with The Best of Vince---you know we can't do it all day---for your viewing and listening pleasure. Just pay the separate shipping and handling cost [$29.95.] So CALL NOW and get that thing I said for $19.95 plus shipping and handling, the Yugo---just pay a separate shipping and handling cost, and the DVD---just pay the separate shipping and handling cost.
Remember folks, all those ads on TV for items costing $10 or $19.95 are going to cost you a lot more. The shipping and handling fees are high, and that's how they make a profit. When they double something, they add more shipping and handling. When they add more items to the offer, they add more shipping and handling. Also remember, that these companies aren't giving anything away. They're in the business to make money, and that's what they're going to do: right from your wallet or purse.
*Scientists today, as shown on the Science Channel all the time, are trying their best to explain life, the Big Bang and other astronomical and biological miracles in terms of chance encounters, physical interactions, and time. They notably leave out God in all their discussions. I believe that the entire span of life of the Universe was decided in a second or less by God before He created the Big Bang. Everything that happened after that was guided by God's hand in the physical interactions from His creation of physics, chemistry, biology, astronomy, etc. Creating and giving mankind the freedom of will and action, however, was a deviation from the plan. He wanted us to be free to do what we wanted and develop the faith to believe in Him and His works. I've been reading books and articles on astronomy, physics, chemistry, sociology, biology,religion and numerous other areas for fifty years. And my faith is still strong. Mankind has deviated from what could have been for happiness and security for all, and he has divided his thoughts and actions between good and evil. We still suffer from the evil part. When the scientists finally admit that God was the prime mover in creation, they'll probably work on trying to discover who or what created God.
*"...If you or a loved one suffered serious side effects or died from using Avandia, call this office and speak to a qualified attorney to discuss monetary damages you could receive." This ad is directed to YOU! Now, how the devil can YOU call an attorney if you're dead??
*"I just wanted to look around." I like Ancestry.com, but not the newer commercials. They claim someone can go online and quick as a flash, information on the persons parentage will appear like magic from other members Family Trees. Well, that sounds good, but I've found enough errors in a lot of family trees to make me question almost all the information provided. If you're doing research, you have to remember to take third-party information with a grain of salt.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Missing Americans? The Librarian and Archie Did It!
There's a website called http://www.50millionpounds.com/ You are urged to join the weight-loss group to track your own activities and loss. I believe there's a free starting kit available, including a pedometer. The main sponsor is State Farm Insurance, and the goal is admirable.
But wait! Let's say the average American weighs 135 pounds [men and women]. Put that average into 50 million pounds, and the result is 370,370 and change. So, can we assume that the insurance company wants to reduce our population by 370 thousand people? Isn't that akin to adult abortion?
*
I'm trying to watch Windtalkers on Bravo. Unfortunately, there are so many Bravo pop-up ads that I can't enjoy the movie, though watching Americans die isn't particularly enjoyable---but that's beside the point. I also notice that the pop-ups don't occur during an advertisement. Promos yes. Advertisements no. So, we the viewers who ultimately pay all the bills, don't warrant a little courtesy when we're watching a movie, do we?
That's the latest way to annoy the viewing public. Bravo isn't the only culprit. Virtually all the TV stations act similarly to varying degrees. When I watch a NASCAR race with its info lines at top and bottom much of the time, I don't appreciate the added pop ups. In fact it often seems that little people are running out onto the race track and that distracts me from the race. It isn't bad enough we have to put up with the nonsense on our computers, is it? I can see the future: the actual race screen will get smaller and smaller on the top quarter while the promos and ads will consume the rest of the place.
*
When are the software and browser companies going to catch up with the advertisers and spammers? I have the suggested anti-pop up programs, but now the ads are coming via separate screens underneath my regular browser. I can see them when I minimize the browser. As usual, it's the consumer-user-citizen who suffers from some business and most government.
*
Remember back in January when we had hopes---since dashed---of a happy new year? As the New Year arrived, twins Tariq and Tarrance Griffin were born 26 minutes apart in a Rochester MI hospital. Well here comes the double birthdays, right? Wrong! It seems Tariq was born on December 31, 2008 at 11:51 pm. His brother Tarrant was born at 00:15 on January 1, 2009. So officially, they have different birthdays. And those two dates are going to be problematical over the years when it comes to birthday deadlines. [Maybe they can issue an executive order and restrict publication or viewing of their birth certificates?] I wish both well, and at least they can remain joyfully unaware of the damage to our country from our current government over the next few years.
*
One of those online dating services [EH] has a 'client' who says going to the bar scene or other places is the passive way to find a date---so, leaving your home, going to a bar or social event, talking and drinking are passive activities, while sitting on your duff before a computer screen filling out a form so the computer program can match you is the active way? I'm sure they were made for each other. Another client claims that since she is self-employed, she hasn't the time to search for a mate, she let's EH do it for her. [I guess that's active too.] And of course, no one ever ever lies on these forms, right?
*
Why is it that so many female child stars must grow up with the idea of shedding a 'good girl' image? What's wrong with being a 'good girl?' The opposite---as I've seen exhibited---is being nude and crude in films, and posing nearly naked for photos. And of course, surgical breast implants, collagen and botox treatments are used to create great beauty? Hardly.
*
"Why is it the rich people have all the money" - Red Skelton in 'Dubarry Was a Lady'
*
Ever see a Snuggie commercial? While wearing blankets-with-sleeves might be okay for keeping my front warm, what about my back? This would be especially noticeable if I'm sitting in a chair in a draft. And of course, if I wore one of those to a football game---even a peewee game---I'd be laughed off the field or stands. I'd feel more like an escapee from an early science fiction novel: Attack of the Roby Blankets.
*
I've been watching 'The Librarian' and it brings to mind an interesting thought. If all those magic legends and earth defying power were really available to the Ancients, why are they all dead? Wouldn't they have built more powerful civilizations and left their heirs in control to this day, utilizing such magic and power?
*
So sad, so sad. Archie proposed to Veronica, and she accepted. That leaves poor Betty out in the cold. I haven't read the comic regularly since I was a kid, but a few years ago I got the opportunity to read their digest sized efforts. And in retrospect, I'm not sure I like Archie's choice. Well, the story runs in a six issue series starting with issue number 600, and we'll have to wait and see what happens. If they expect the high school story line to continue, they'll have to make this event a dream or something. Personally, I'd match Veronica with Jughead.
*
I read Alley Oop regularly. But it just occurred to me: Alley Oop travels between the past [his own time] and the future for his adventures; so why does he not return to his own time shortly after he left? Why does real time have to elapse for his travels? It seems to me that the least amount of lapsing time would be the optimum use of time travel.
But wait! Let's say the average American weighs 135 pounds [men and women]. Put that average into 50 million pounds, and the result is 370,370 and change. So, can we assume that the insurance company wants to reduce our population by 370 thousand people? Isn't that akin to adult abortion?
*
I'm trying to watch Windtalkers on Bravo. Unfortunately, there are so many Bravo pop-up ads that I can't enjoy the movie, though watching Americans die isn't particularly enjoyable---but that's beside the point. I also notice that the pop-ups don't occur during an advertisement. Promos yes. Advertisements no. So, we the viewers who ultimately pay all the bills, don't warrant a little courtesy when we're watching a movie, do we?
That's the latest way to annoy the viewing public. Bravo isn't the only culprit. Virtually all the TV stations act similarly to varying degrees. When I watch a NASCAR race with its info lines at top and bottom much of the time, I don't appreciate the added pop ups. In fact it often seems that little people are running out onto the race track and that distracts me from the race. It isn't bad enough we have to put up with the nonsense on our computers, is it? I can see the future: the actual race screen will get smaller and smaller on the top quarter while the promos and ads will consume the rest of the place.
*
When are the software and browser companies going to catch up with the advertisers and spammers? I have the suggested anti-pop up programs, but now the ads are coming via separate screens underneath my regular browser. I can see them when I minimize the browser. As usual, it's the consumer-user-citizen who suffers from some business and most government.
*
Remember back in January when we had hopes---since dashed---of a happy new year? As the New Year arrived, twins Tariq and Tarrance Griffin were born 26 minutes apart in a Rochester MI hospital. Well here comes the double birthdays, right? Wrong! It seems Tariq was born on December 31, 2008 at 11:51 pm. His brother Tarrant was born at 00:15 on January 1, 2009. So officially, they have different birthdays. And those two dates are going to be problematical over the years when it comes to birthday deadlines. [Maybe they can issue an executive order and restrict publication or viewing of their birth certificates?] I wish both well, and at least they can remain joyfully unaware of the damage to our country from our current government over the next few years.
*
One of those online dating services [EH] has a 'client' who says going to the bar scene or other places is the passive way to find a date---so, leaving your home, going to a bar or social event, talking and drinking are passive activities, while sitting on your duff before a computer screen filling out a form so the computer program can match you is the active way? I'm sure they were made for each other. Another client claims that since she is self-employed, she hasn't the time to search for a mate, she let's EH do it for her. [I guess that's active too.] And of course, no one ever ever lies on these forms, right?
*
Why is it that so many female child stars must grow up with the idea of shedding a 'good girl' image? What's wrong with being a 'good girl?' The opposite---as I've seen exhibited---is being nude and crude in films, and posing nearly naked for photos. And of course, surgical breast implants, collagen and botox treatments are used to create great beauty? Hardly.
*
"Why is it the rich people have all the money" - Red Skelton in 'Dubarry Was a Lady'
*
Ever see a Snuggie commercial? While wearing blankets-with-sleeves might be okay for keeping my front warm, what about my back? This would be especially noticeable if I'm sitting in a chair in a draft. And of course, if I wore one of those to a football game---even a peewee game---I'd be laughed off the field or stands. I'd feel more like an escapee from an early science fiction novel: Attack of the Roby Blankets.
*
I've been watching 'The Librarian' and it brings to mind an interesting thought. If all those magic legends and earth defying power were really available to the Ancients, why are they all dead? Wouldn't they have built more powerful civilizations and left their heirs in control to this day, utilizing such magic and power?
*
So sad, so sad. Archie proposed to Veronica, and she accepted. That leaves poor Betty out in the cold. I haven't read the comic regularly since I was a kid, but a few years ago I got the opportunity to read their digest sized efforts. And in retrospect, I'm not sure I like Archie's choice. Well, the story runs in a six issue series starting with issue number 600, and we'll have to wait and see what happens. If they expect the high school story line to continue, they'll have to make this event a dream or something. Personally, I'd match Veronica with Jughead.
*
I read Alley Oop regularly. But it just occurred to me: Alley Oop travels between the past [his own time] and the future for his adventures; so why does he not return to his own time shortly after he left? Why does real time have to elapse for his travels? It seems to me that the least amount of lapsing time would be the optimum use of time travel.
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Catwoman Skins a Trencher
My recent absence from these pages was due to some health concerns. But here I am, back writing again with spit and vinegar. I was saddened to hear of the recent death of pitchman Billy Mays. Apparently, he was a well-liked man---something I didn't know when I was writing barbs about his loud and rat-a-tat style. But his sometimes annoying commercials will always remain in my memory. By default, I think the Oxi-Clean account should now be assigned to 'Sham Wow' Vince and his headset because I know he could be appropriately annoying---and do it all day.
I must be getting old because I find advertisements more annoying in tone, and less grammatical in form. Though the ad writing in the past was often deficient to varying degrees, I consider this modern ad world more and more dumbed down to the lowest common denominator. [Hey! I remember that term from grammar school: 'least common denominator'---though I'm not quite what it means any longer.] So, I offer my latest comments below.
***
I keep seeing these ads on tv for beauty creams that guarantee women a young skin and face. In fact one female user claims to be addicted to it. I'm sorry, but all I can think of is 'Catwoman', and its plot about the addictive, new beauty cream that once you start using it, you have to take it regularly to prevent scars and the melting of your face. And if you do use it regularly, it turns your skin to a hardness akin to marble. Scary stuff for you ladies. You just can't win there. Personally, I don't use any of these new beauty products, even when they're designed for men. As Grandma used to say,
'what is, is'---though a recent President was worried about 'what is, is' in a different manner.
***
And now we turn to another type of advertised skin-care product. Will someone please tell me how the following claim is possible: 'It stopped my acne before it started.' Is that possible? Was research done with the late Isaac Asimov? [Thiotimoline?---you have to read that. Sorry.] How can this run-of-the-mill- [though very pretty] actress/customer make such a determination? Is she a dermatologist? A scientific genius? A fortune teller? Don't the advertisers know that there are many products you can use on your face and permit you to claim the same thing: Talc, astringent, mud packs, bean dip---almost anything. If they'd simply state that their products 'prevent' acne from forming---well, I could live with that.
***
A pizza delivery company has recently been spieling it's new innovation: pasta and other entrees served in bowls made of Italian bread. You can eat the bowl when you finish the entree. A current ad for Red Lobster shows the hollowed out bread being used for soup and stew. Wowee! Ain't modern thinking wonderful?
Except it's not particularly innovative. This system was used at least as far back as the Middle Ages. I think the bread was known as a 'trencher.' Stews and similar foods were served in hollowed-out bread 'bowls' or 'plates.' [Perhaps to use the discarded interior is why 'bread pudding' was invented?] Forty years ago when we were served spinach dip in hollowed out, round rye breads at parties. The contents of the breads were cubed and used in picking up the dip---which was mighty good stuff, I must say.
Is this just another omen about the coming 3-plus years of socialist leadership erasing progress and sending Civilization back to those not so thrilling days of yesteryear?
Will the esnes make a return? Knights with swords and lances? [is that why fantasy role-playing games are so popular?] Horse transportation? [as gasoline and oil are taxed to death.]
***
Coleman Stoves is now advertising that it 'pretty much invented camping' and 'social networking'. Wow! That's one great achievement. But, I think the Geico cavemen might have something to say about it. They camped and cooked out [and socialized] all the time for thousands of years. And what about the cowboys and Indians of the American West? Many modern Africans and Australians still do.
***
My eyes and ears have been swamped with the clashing battles of the local cable vs satellite ad war. Depending on how you count them---and each combatent counts them differently---each side of the war has more HD channels than the other. This could go on forever with no one crying uncle or defeating the competition. Personally, I wish them both warts. I mean, how many channels can a person watch, anyway? 100? 102? 200? What difference does it make? Even if they claim the numbers to provide a choice, it still doesn't work. Aren't there better things to do in your free hours than sit in front of the tube or plasma choosing among 150 channels? Does the word 'family' come to mind?
***
As a final note for today, please be careful of those companies advertising: 'No interest payments 'til 2010 or 2011.' Ask questions. It sounds very much like the contract may prevent the return of the goods [this is a popular system for furniture companies] before that date has arrived; also, not paying interest doesn't mean it's forgiven. The operative word is 'pay'. Interest will be accruing during that time and in 2011 you'll have to pay up all that accrued interest. It's easy to forget that there's no such thing as a free lunch.
I must be getting old because I find advertisements more annoying in tone, and less grammatical in form. Though the ad writing in the past was often deficient to varying degrees, I consider this modern ad world more and more dumbed down to the lowest common denominator. [Hey! I remember that term from grammar school: 'least common denominator'---though I'm not quite what it means any longer.] So, I offer my latest comments below.
***
I keep seeing these ads on tv for beauty creams that guarantee women a young skin and face. In fact one female user claims to be addicted to it. I'm sorry, but all I can think of is 'Catwoman', and its plot about the addictive, new beauty cream that once you start using it, you have to take it regularly to prevent scars and the melting of your face. And if you do use it regularly, it turns your skin to a hardness akin to marble. Scary stuff for you ladies. You just can't win there. Personally, I don't use any of these new beauty products, even when they're designed for men. As Grandma used to say,
'what is, is'---though a recent President was worried about 'what is, is' in a different manner.***
And now we turn to another type of advertised skin-care product. Will someone please tell me how the following claim is possible: 'It stopped my acne before it started.' Is that possible? Was research done with the late Isaac Asimov? [Thiotimoline?---you have to read that. Sorry.] How can this run-of-the-mill- [though very pretty] actress/customer make such a determination? Is she a dermatologist? A scientific genius? A fortune teller? Don't the advertisers know that there are many products you can use on your face and permit you to claim the same thing: Talc, astringent, mud packs, bean dip---almost anything. If they'd simply state that their products 'prevent' acne from forming---well, I could live with that.
***
A pizza delivery company has recently been spieling it's new innovation: pasta and other entrees served in bowls made of Italian bread. You can eat the bowl when you finish the entree. A current ad for Red Lobster shows the hollowed out bread being used for soup and stew. Wowee! Ain't modern thinking wonderful?
Except it's not particularly innovative. This system was used at least as far back as the Middle Ages. I think the bread was known as a 'trencher.' Stews and similar foods were served in hollowed-out bread 'bowls' or 'plates.' [Perhaps to use the discarded interior is why 'bread pudding' was invented?] Forty years ago when we were served spinach dip in hollowed out, round rye breads at parties. The contents of the breads were cubed and used in picking up the dip---which was mighty good stuff, I must say.
Is this just another omen about the coming 3-plus years of socialist leadership erasing progress and sending Civilization back to those not so thrilling days of yesteryear?
Will the esnes make a return? Knights with swords and lances? [is that why fantasy role-playing games are so popular?] Horse transportation? [as gasoline and oil are taxed to death.]
***
Coleman Stoves is now advertising that it 'pretty much invented camping' and 'social networking'. Wow! That's one great achievement. But, I think the Geico cavemen might have something to say about it. They camped and cooked out [and socialized] all the time for thousands of years. And what about the cowboys and Indians of the American West? Many modern Africans and Australians still do.
***
My eyes and ears have been swamped with the clashing battles of the local cable vs satellite ad war. Depending on how you count them---and each combatent counts them differently---each side of the war has more HD channels than the other. This could go on forever with no one crying uncle or defeating the competition. Personally, I wish them both warts. I mean, how many channels can a person watch, anyway? 100? 102? 200? What difference does it make? Even if they claim the numbers to provide a choice, it still doesn't work. Aren't there better things to do in your free hours than sit in front of the tube or plasma choosing among 150 channels? Does the word 'family' come to mind?
***
As a final note for today, please be careful of those companies advertising: 'No interest payments 'til 2010 or 2011.' Ask questions. It sounds very much like the contract may prevent the return of the goods [this is a popular system for furniture companies] before that date has arrived; also, not paying interest doesn't mean it's forgiven. The operative word is 'pay'. Interest will be accruing during that time and in 2011 you'll have to pay up all that accrued interest. It's easy to forget that there's no such thing as a free lunch.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Tiddly Winks and Golf
A TV show was making fun of 'tiddley winks' the other night. But tell me, isn't tiddley winks a table version of golf? Except for the walking on the grass and hitting the sand traps, it's pretty much the same concept, and they should be accepted or derided together. Maybe there're plans for a 'Tiddly Winks' channel on cable?
I find it sad how so many of the modern generation makes fun of and derides some of the pastimes of our forefathers and mothers. Subject on point. A hollering contest. Now, I don't care one way or the other [a hoot or a holler?] about it, but a lot of rural people like it. Well, they must. They keep entering the contests. And, I might add another comment to you of the younger generations. There is a difference between 'hollering' and 'screaming.' So, if you don't know what you're talking about, or you don't understand our historical past, please shut up. What else can I say.
Without televisions, Iphones, blackberries, computer games, this 3G speed and all, most of you from our current generations wouldn't know what to do with yourselves. Study at school? Now, that would be a change we can believe in.
***
There're advertisements on television about a language learning system costing about $200 a crack. I can't tell how it works personally, but it's probably sufficient for most people. My question to the company , however, is about the languages.
Clara, the Administration's Chief Economic Adviser
You have numerous people giving their endorsements on a number of language modules, but not a single one says anything in the foreign language. Now, that would surely show how the system works. but, since the advertiser---along with every other company---won't show real people, their actors can't really give you anything personal about the system.
An alarm company now boasts of it's ability to create a complete monitoring system. You can monitor your home in real time with pictures on your cell phone or computer. Wow! Talk about giving up your freedoms and protections. If you can see the pictures, so can any hacker. Instead of security, I foresee empty rooms at home. We have to temper our desires for more technology with our needs for privacy and security. In case you didn't know, this is the kind of concept setting Big Brother in motion. In effect, we'll be giving government a way to keep tabs on us in the name of security. Big Brother has to come from somewhere doesn't he?
I known. I know. Recently, a woman checked her home via her office pc and saw thieves doing what thieves do, and she called the police. I don't know the details after that, but on viewing the video I saw the the thieves leaving before the police came in. I don't know if anyone was ever caught. But remember, if you can see it on the pc, so can a hacker, especially one in radio contact with the thieves in your house.
***
My idea of Heaven would be an existence free of Vince for Sham-Wow ["'cause you know we can't do it all day"---though I hear the ad all day and night] and Billy Mays here. Howard Cosell is already gone and Crazy Eddie is out of the picture. Having to listen to that group til the end of time is my idea of the suffering in Hades. But wait! It's now the 11 o'clock news film. Crazy Eddie has been re-born in the ads for Universal Hotel Liquidators! The fellow's voice is like the up part of bipolar, and he just seems to be the next generation of annoyance. The company probably hopes that customers think if they buy enough furniture from him, he'll shut up. Well, maybe. Probably not.
**
Financial firms don't give up, do they? In a serious, baritoned voice tv ad from a financial firm, the client is concerned about what he sees in the economy and volatile stock market, and the dire predictions for the future. The advice he gets? "Don't let your emotions get in the way of your goals." Huh? Since when is a $50,000 loss in your IRA or 401K a result of 'emotions?' And what's the secondary point of the ad? Why, the firm's advisors are willing to get up very early in the morning to give such sage advice as above.
I remember when I was an active CPA, and I was asked to give a short talk to a financial advisor's clients. I started with a joke. "Do you known the best way to double your money?, I asked as I took out a ten dollar bill?" I then folded it in half and put it in my pocket with the comment: "Just fold it in half and put it back in your pocket." Everybody laughed except the financial advisor. I was never asked to give a short talk again. So I wrote a periodic column for a newspaper.
***
Want a car for $500? A house for $199 down? Yeah, sure, good luck. These extreme examples--which you'll probably never encounter---are announced in a serious, low, and calming voice in a television commercial. Following is the mishmash of a sentence: "an inventory of cars and homes are available now and will be sold to the public." Now, despite this first grade composition from grown-up people in an ad agency, what it's telling you is that when you call the 800 number [I'm surprised it isn't a 900 number] you'll be able to buy an inventory list. Of course, there're no promises that the items listed on the inventory sheets will actually be available when you track down a sales event. [Good luck on that one.] So, if you want a decent car or house, I suggest going the standard route. You'll sleep better.
***
There's a major store chain advertising about the GE small flourescent bulb to replace our ubiquitous incandescent bulbs. The major claim is all the electricity to be saved by using the new bulb. What they don't say is that each bulb has about 5 grams of mercury in it. Since one store bragged it had sold 100 million of them, I think it's safe to assume a total of 4 or 5 hundred million of them out there, mostly in California---San Francisco most likely.
And since many users will just throw away a used bulb---let's say 50%---that means that a potential of 1.375 million tons of mercury may end up in landfills or the air in our homes. And that's being responsible and green?
And so we're being urged to use hybrid and battery run cars, as if the electricity in the batteries comes from nowhere. Hey Greenies! It comes from power plants which you oppose on a selective basis! That's where! [I'm convinced the environmentalists are trying to replace all our existing power plants with those that run on big batteries.] And they promote natural gas cars, which emit only 'harmless' water vapor. "Harmless?" Isn't water vapor a major constituent of greenhouse gases? Doesn't it have a direct influence on humidity, smog, rain, fog, etc.? We haven't seen a major effect yet because of the dearth of such vehicles out there, but the greenies want more.
We have a normal air pressure [essentially the weight of the atmosphere] at sea level on Earth [14.7 lbs per square inch---that's per square inch of our bodies] that permits us to breathe freely. When water vapor increases in the atmosphere---thus increasing pressure, something else has to go---since our air pressure at sea level must remain the same. "The presence of water vapor in the air naturally dilutes or displaces the other air components as its concentration increases."
In very warm summer air [or excessive use of hybrid vehicles?] , the proportion of water vapor can increase the humidity and result in the stuffiness like we can experience in the jungle [or rain forest or chaparral or primevel forest or boscage] or a poorly air-conditioned building.
Consequently, I believe each battery operated or hybrid or natural gas vehicle spewing out water vapor should include as original equipment: a hygrometer [for humidity], a barometer [for air pressure], car diapers [for water vapor], asthma inhalers for those dangerous breathing times, and a danger sign posted clearly on each door. We must be careful at all time. I'm Mr General Science and I approved this message.
***
I received a strange item in the mail yesterday. It was a straight pin, the head of which was ingraved with all the economically accurate statements of President Obama's administration taken directly from his teleprompter during off-duty hours. There was a lot of empty space left over on the pin.
And I got proof! It's a sheet of paper having magazine-cut out letters saying Certificate of Authenticity, just press the reset button. The written words were barely legible: 'this is the real thing.' 'Overcharge' was printed over the the phrase 'reset button.' And the signature was unrecognizable, though there were tiny pictures of CDs and IPods around it. A little oak tree watermark was at the lower left corner; and it had a date stamp from sometime in the 1970s
***
Do we really need to give up even more of our privacy by having sound amplifiers sold willy nilly? Just watch the ads. Snoop on your neighbors. Snoop on others at a party. The ad also promotes it for listening to your children at play. The example shown has a childish attempt of an adult to sound like a child. Besides, don't children need privacy too? Unless your kids are alone, you won't be able to determine their voices from the others anyway. And relying on an ear amplifier of questionable quality [it's only $19.99 after all---but wait! Just for listening, you can get two for the price of one.] might lead you to reduce your visual contact, a sure way of inviting trouble.
***
I have nothing against Sarah McLachlin, nor do I have anything against the ASPCA. I deplore the way some dogs are treated and abused. It's unconscionable. But I'm sick and tired of Sarah's commercials. Whenever I hear her sing, all I can think of is her begging for money for dogs and cats. A noble sentiment gone too long and becoming annoying. Imagine how many kids we could save instead. Aren't they more valuable?
Maybe it's me, but I find the most annoying commercials are shown endlessly. I've seen some run back to back to back to back. Help!! Give me a break!
***
It seems many advertisers are asking questions in the beginning of their ads expecting you to be interested in the answer. Well, for starters, if a brand name indoor/outdoor allergy medication wants to know what most sufferers in the United States are allergic to, and two of the choices are peanuts and cats---the other being pollen, what do you think the answer is? Surprise! Just what the medicine needs. And then they repeat the quiz numerous times on the same channel.
***
Wow! Those IRS fighters for you are armed and ready to go! One women feels that blowing you down with her in-your-face attitude is the way to present herself to prospective clients. And who are those clients? Well, one in the ad claimed she saved him $150,000, another $100,000, and the third a quarter of a million dollars. So why is she advertising on a blue collar television show? I don't know, but if you're having trouble and owe $1,679.80, don't bother her with it.
***
Perhaps I should be asking those willing advertisers, the gold merchants, why they keep promising to pay higher and higher than the other guy. Look, I realize you guys can't pay full price for gold. You have to process it and make a reasonable profit. I know that. But what about the jewels on the broken jewelry sent to you? Do you pay extra for those? Or do they represent another pure profit portion? You don't mention such items in your ads. Opals, diamonds, rubies, pearls, agates, rhinestones, anyone?
***
I believe that among the 'World's Dumbest' entries should be the stations that carries such garbage, peopled by clowns who are not funny, are proud of their lawbreaking, and, in some shows, are commented on by forgettable ex-celebs. Unfortunately, I catch them on occasion when I'm a little early for the show I really want to see.
***
I just heard another lawyer advertisement looking for new clients. Naturally, the firm's partners build their reputation up, using the standard client [actor] testimonials. This time, a women states with a straight face: "...they're more than lawyers, they're human beings." Well, now we know. Most lawyers aren't human beings. Only those in that particular law firm are. I wonder what the other firms think about that?
I find it sad how so many of the modern generation makes fun of and derides some of the pastimes of our forefathers and mothers. Subject on point. A hollering contest. Now, I don't care one way or the other [a hoot or a holler?] about it, but a lot of rural people like it. Well, they must. They keep entering the contests. And, I might add another comment to you of the younger generations. There is a difference between 'hollering' and 'screaming.' So, if you don't know what you're talking about, or you don't understand our historical past, please shut up. What else can I say.
Without televisions, Iphones, blackberries, computer games, this 3G speed and all, most of you from our current generations wouldn't know what to do with yourselves. Study at school? Now, that would be a change we can believe in.
***
There're advertisements on television about a language learning system costing about $200 a crack. I can't tell how it works personally, but it's probably sufficient for most people. My question to the company , however, is about the languages.
Clara, the Administration's Chief Economic Adviser
You have numerous people giving their endorsements on a number of language modules, but not a single one says anything in the foreign language. Now, that would surely show how the system works. but, since the advertiser---along with every other company---won't show real people, their actors can't really give you anything personal about the system.
An alarm company now boasts of it's ability to create a complete monitoring system. You can monitor your home in real time with pictures on your cell phone or computer. Wow! Talk about giving up your freedoms and protections. If you can see the pictures, so can any hacker. Instead of security, I foresee empty rooms at home. We have to temper our desires for more technology with our needs for privacy and security. In case you didn't know, this is the kind of concept setting Big Brother in motion. In effect, we'll be giving government a way to keep tabs on us in the name of security. Big Brother has to come from somewhere doesn't he?
I known. I know. Recently, a woman checked her home via her office pc and saw thieves doing what thieves do, and she called the police. I don't know the details after that, but on viewing the video I saw the the thieves leaving before the police came in. I don't know if anyone was ever caught. But remember, if you can see it on the pc, so can a hacker, especially one in radio contact with the thieves in your house.
***
My idea of Heaven would be an existence free of Vince for Sham-Wow ["'cause you know we can't do it all day"---though I hear the ad all day and night] and Billy Mays here. Howard Cosell is already gone and Crazy Eddie is out of the picture. Having to listen to that group til the end of time is my idea of the suffering in Hades. But wait! It's now the 11 o'clock news film. Crazy Eddie has been re-born in the ads for Universal Hotel Liquidators! The fellow's voice is like the up part of bipolar, and he just seems to be the next generation of annoyance. The company probably hopes that customers think if they buy enough furniture from him, he'll shut up. Well, maybe. Probably not.
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Financial firms don't give up, do they? In a serious, baritoned voice tv ad from a financial firm, the client is concerned about what he sees in the economy and volatile stock market, and the dire predictions for the future. The advice he gets? "Don't let your emotions get in the way of your goals." Huh? Since when is a $50,000 loss in your IRA or 401K a result of 'emotions?' And what's the secondary point of the ad? Why, the firm's advisors are willing to get up very early in the morning to give such sage advice as above.
I remember when I was an active CPA, and I was asked to give a short talk to a financial advisor's clients. I started with a joke. "Do you known the best way to double your money?, I asked as I took out a ten dollar bill?" I then folded it in half and put it in my pocket with the comment: "Just fold it in half and put it back in your pocket." Everybody laughed except the financial advisor. I was never asked to give a short talk again. So I wrote a periodic column for a newspaper.
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Want a car for $500? A house for $199 down? Yeah, sure, good luck. These extreme examples--which you'll probably never encounter---are announced in a serious, low, and calming voice in a television commercial. Following is the mishmash of a sentence: "an inventory of cars and homes are available now and will be sold to the public." Now, despite this first grade composition from grown-up people in an ad agency, what it's telling you is that when you call the 800 number [I'm surprised it isn't a 900 number] you'll be able to buy an inventory list. Of course, there're no promises that the items listed on the inventory sheets will actually be available when you track down a sales event. [Good luck on that one.] So, if you want a decent car or house, I suggest going the standard route. You'll sleep better.
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There's a major store chain advertising about the GE small flourescent bulb to replace our ubiquitous incandescent bulbs. The major claim is all the electricity to be saved by using the new bulb. What they don't say is that each bulb has about 5 grams of mercury in it. Since one store bragged it had sold 100 million of them, I think it's safe to assume a total of 4 or 5 hundred million of them out there, mostly in California---San Francisco most likely.
And since many users will just throw away a used bulb---let's say 50%---that means that a potential of 1.375 million tons of mercury may end up in landfills or the air in our homes. And that's being responsible and green?
And so we're being urged to use hybrid and battery run cars, as if the electricity in the batteries comes from nowhere. Hey Greenies! It comes from power plants which you oppose on a selective basis! That's where! [I'm convinced the environmentalists are trying to replace all our existing power plants with those that run on big batteries.] And they promote natural gas cars, which emit only 'harmless' water vapor. "Harmless?" Isn't water vapor a major constituent of greenhouse gases? Doesn't it have a direct influence on humidity, smog, rain, fog, etc.? We haven't seen a major effect yet because of the dearth of such vehicles out there, but the greenies want more.
We have a normal air pressure [essentially the weight of the atmosphere] at sea level on Earth [14.7 lbs per square inch---that's per square inch of our bodies] that permits us to breathe freely. When water vapor increases in the atmosphere---thus increasing pressure, something else has to go---since our air pressure at sea level must remain the same. "The presence of water vapor in the air naturally dilutes or displaces the other air components as its concentration increases."
In very warm summer air [or excessive use of hybrid vehicles?] , the proportion of water vapor can increase the humidity and result in the stuffiness like we can experience in the jungle [or rain forest or chaparral or primevel forest or boscage] or a poorly air-conditioned building.
Consequently, I believe each battery operated or hybrid or natural gas vehicle spewing out water vapor should include as original equipment: a hygrometer [for humidity], a barometer [for air pressure], car diapers [for water vapor], asthma inhalers for those dangerous breathing times, and a danger sign posted clearly on each door. We must be careful at all time. I'm Mr General Science and I approved this message.
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I received a strange item in the mail yesterday. It was a straight pin, the head of which was ingraved with all the economically accurate statements of President Obama's administration taken directly from his teleprompter during off-duty hours. There was a lot of empty space left over on the pin.
And I got proof! It's a sheet of paper having magazine-cut out letters saying Certificate of Authenticity, just press the reset button. The written words were barely legible: 'this is the real thing.' 'Overcharge' was printed over the the phrase 'reset button.' And the signature was unrecognizable, though there were tiny pictures of CDs and IPods around it. A little oak tree watermark was at the lower left corner; and it had a date stamp from sometime in the 1970s
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Do we really need to give up even more of our privacy by having sound amplifiers sold willy nilly? Just watch the ads. Snoop on your neighbors. Snoop on others at a party. The ad also promotes it for listening to your children at play. The example shown has a childish attempt of an adult to sound like a child. Besides, don't children need privacy too? Unless your kids are alone, you won't be able to determine their voices from the others anyway. And relying on an ear amplifier of questionable quality [it's only $19.99 after all---but wait! Just for listening, you can get two for the price of one.] might lead you to reduce your visual contact, a sure way of inviting trouble.
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I have nothing against Sarah McLachlin, nor do I have anything against the ASPCA. I deplore the way some dogs are treated and abused. It's unconscionable. But I'm sick and tired of Sarah's commercials. Whenever I hear her sing, all I can think of is her begging for money for dogs and cats. A noble sentiment gone too long and becoming annoying. Imagine how many kids we could save instead. Aren't they more valuable?
Maybe it's me, but I find the most annoying commercials are shown endlessly. I've seen some run back to back to back to back. Help!! Give me a break!
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It seems many advertisers are asking questions in the beginning of their ads expecting you to be interested in the answer. Well, for starters, if a brand name indoor/outdoor allergy medication wants to know what most sufferers in the United States are allergic to, and two of the choices are peanuts and cats---the other being pollen, what do you think the answer is? Surprise! Just what the medicine needs. And then they repeat the quiz numerous times on the same channel.
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Wow! Those IRS fighters for you are armed and ready to go! One women feels that blowing you down with her in-your-face attitude is the way to present herself to prospective clients. And who are those clients? Well, one in the ad claimed she saved him $150,000, another $100,000, and the third a quarter of a million dollars. So why is she advertising on a blue collar television show? I don't know, but if you're having trouble and owe $1,679.80, don't bother her with it.
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Perhaps I should be asking those willing advertisers, the gold merchants, why they keep promising to pay higher and higher than the other guy. Look, I realize you guys can't pay full price for gold. You have to process it and make a reasonable profit. I know that. But what about the jewels on the broken jewelry sent to you? Do you pay extra for those? Or do they represent another pure profit portion? You don't mention such items in your ads. Opals, diamonds, rubies, pearls, agates, rhinestones, anyone?
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I believe that among the 'World's Dumbest' entries should be the stations that carries such garbage, peopled by clowns who are not funny, are proud of their lawbreaking, and, in some shows, are commented on by forgettable ex-celebs. Unfortunately, I catch them on occasion when I'm a little early for the show I really want to see.
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I just heard another lawyer advertisement looking for new clients. Naturally, the firm's partners build their reputation up, using the standard client [actor] testimonials. This time, a women states with a straight face: "...they're more than lawyers, they're human beings." Well, now we know. Most lawyers aren't human beings. Only those in that particular law firm are. I wonder what the other firms think about that?
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