Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Stupid Is as Stupid Does

Are we stupid in general? or do only some of us lose control of our brains at times?

As first found in the 'Stupid' books of Leland Gregory [but shortened and re-worded except where quoted]:

*According to the AP in 2004: a "Norwegian motorist is slapped with parking ticket while stuck in traffic jam." [Must be a new source of income for the City.]
*In 1996 according to a police report: a school bus driver and his friend were charged with child endangerment because they told scary stories to five and six year old passengers. [Overheard in prison: "I'm in this dump for mass murder, meat. What did you do?" "I told scary stories to my bus passenger children."]
*In 1991, Japan had its biggest traffic jam in history. After a typhoon, about 15,000 vehicles were at a standstill over 94 miles of road! [And no port-a-potties!]
*In 1993, a traffic commissioner dismissed a speeding ticket because the issuing cop's motorcycle was the wrong color. ??? It was painted blue and white instead of the required black and white. [The uniform, helmet, siren, chase, and stop apparently didn't give the motorist a clue---because black isn't blue! Give me a break!]
*A newspaper ad: "Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with rounded bottom for efficient beating." ['nuff said.]
*Warning found on a Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children." [Good advice for the continuation of the families.]
*A sign outside a furniture store in Virginia: "Antique tables made here daily." [Must be a distressed business.]
*An instruction sign on a camera back a few years ago: "This camera only works when there is film inside." [I guess air is not a good photographic medium.]
*Newspaper ad: "Christmas sale. Hand made gifts for the hard-to-find person." [Too many people playing hide-and-seek.]

In Middle English, the word 'balded' meant white. Ultimately, the word was shortened to 'bald,' and the American Eagle---with its white-feathered head---became known as a 'bald' eagle. [Despite the book title, I wouldn't say this fact is stupid. It's a factual explanation of something most of us glide over.]
Television commercials:
*In an ad for a Lawyers' Firm, a supposed client says: "...He was more than a lawyer. He was a human being..." [as opposed to, say, a shark?]
*Attend the MMI tech school and learn about motorcycles: "...I get up every day, and I love what I do..." [I love getting up every day also. It means my obituary won't be the morning's newspapers.]

Our children are currently being represented as dumb instead of smart, and the ad writers are as asinine as usual. Dumb down the population so you can sell more product. There's a Totino commercial making the rounds on television. Two boys are standing in front of a freezer [with no back, by the way] and calling Mom on the cell phone. "Mom, we're dying!" "No you're not. You're just hungry." They're at the freezer with the door wide open---and I always thought to die you had to stick your head in an oven. Staring them in the face is a bright yellow box of Totinos. They can't see it. Mom has to direct them to turn their gaze a few inches to the left where the yellow box is quite apparent. Okay they say. Thanks Mom. The boys grab the box, put the phone in the freezer, turn away while leaving the door wide open. At the table is a plate of Totino's exuding cigarette smoke to make you think they're hot and fresh. That's really something you would expect from Doug Hefernan or Arthur Spooner and Carrie. By the way, anyone remember: energy shortages? fatty fast food? education levels? common sense?

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