Tiddly Winks and Golf

A TV show was making fun of 'tiddley winks' the other night. But tell me, isn't tiddley winks a table version of golf? Except for the walking on the grass and hitting the sand traps, it's pretty much the same concept, and they should be accepted or derided together. Maybe there're plans for a 'Tiddly Winks' channel on cable?

I find it sad how so many of the modern generation makes fun of and derides some of the pastimes of our forefathers and mothers. Subject on point. A hollering contest. Now, I don't care one way or the other [a hoot or a holler?] about it, but a lot of rural people like it. Well, they must. They keep entering the contests. And, I might add another comment to you of the younger generations. There is a difference between 'hollering' and 'screaming.' So, if you don't know what you're talking about, or you don't understand our historical past, please shut up. What else can I say.

Without televisions, Iphones, blackberries, computer games, this 3G speed and all, most of you from our current generations wouldn't know what to do with yourselves. Study at school? Now, that would be a change we can believe in.
***
There're advertisements on television about a language learning system costing about $200 a crack. I can't tell how it works personally, but it's probably sufficient for most people. My question to the company , however, is about the languages.

Clara, the Administration's Chief Economic Adviser

You have numerous people giving their endorsements on a number of language modules, but not a single one says anything in the foreign language. Now, that would surely show how the system works. but, since the advertiser---along with every other company---won't show real people, their actors can't really give you anything personal about the system.

An alarm company now boasts of it's ability to create a complete monitoring system. You can monitor your home in real time with pictures on your cell phone or computer. Wow! Talk about giving up your freedoms and protections. If you can see the pictures, so can any hacker. Instead of security, I foresee empty rooms at home. We have to temper our desires for more technology with our needs for privacy and security. In case you didn't know, this is the kind of concept setting Big Brother in motion. In effect, we'll be giving government a way to keep tabs on us in the name of security. Big Brother has to come from somewhere doesn't he?

I known. I know. Recently, a woman checked her home via her office pc and saw thieves doing what thieves do, and she called the police. I don't know the details after that, but on viewing the video I saw the the thieves leaving before the police came in. I don't know if anyone was ever caught. But remember, if you can see it on the pc, so can a hacker, especially one in radio contact with the thieves in your house.
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My idea of Heaven would be an existence free of Vince for Sham-Wow ["'cause you know we can't do it all day"---though I hear the ad all day and night] and Billy Mays here. Howard Cosell is already gone and Crazy Eddie is out of the picture. Having to listen to that group til the end of time is my idea of the suffering in Hades. But wait! It's now the 11 o'clock news film. Crazy Eddie has been re-born in the ads for Universal Hotel Liquidators! The fellow's voice is like the up part of bipolar, and he just seems to be the next generation of annoyance. The company probably hopes that customers think if they buy enough furniture from him, he'll shut up. Well, maybe. Probably not.
**
Financial firms don't give up, do they? In a serious, baritoned voice tv ad from a financial firm, the client is concerned about what he sees in the economy and volatile stock market, and the dire predictions for the future. The advice he gets? "Don't let your emotions get in the way of your goals." Huh? Since when is a $50,000 loss in your IRA or 401K a result of 'emotions?' And what's the secondary point of the ad? Why, the firm's advisors are willing to get up very early in the morning to give such sage advice as above.

I remember when I was an active CPA, and I was asked to give a short talk to a financial advisor's clients. I started with a joke. "Do you known the best way to double your money?, I asked as I took out a ten dollar bill?" I then folded it in half and put it in my pocket with the comment: "Just fold it in half and put it back in your pocket." Everybody laughed except the financial advisor. I was never asked to give a short talk again. So I wrote a periodic column for a newspaper.
***
Want a car for $500? A house for $199 down? Yeah, sure, good luck. These extreme examples--which you'll probably never encounter---are announced in a serious, low, and calming voice in a television commercial. Following is the mishmash of a sentence: "an inventory of cars and homes are available now and will be sold to the public." Now, despite this first grade composition from grown-up people in an ad agency, what it's telling you is that when you call the 800 number [I'm surprised it isn't a 900 number] you'll be able to buy an inventory list. Of course, there're no promises that the items listed on the inventory sheets will actually be available when you track down a sales event. [Good luck on that one.] So, if you want a decent car or house, I suggest going the standard route. You'll sleep better.
***
There's a major store chain advertising about the GE small flourescent bulb to replace our ubiquitous incandescent bulbs. The major claim is all the electricity to be saved by using the new bulb. What they don't say is that each bulb has about 5 grams of mercury in it. Since one store bragged it had sold 100 million of them, I think it's safe to assume a total of 4 or 5 hundred million of them out there, mostly in California---San Francisco most likely.

And since many users will just throw away a used bulb---let's say 50%---that means that a potential of 1.375 million tons of mercury may end up in landfills or the air in our homes. And that's being responsible and green?

And so we're being urged to use hybrid and battery run cars, as if the electricity in the batteries comes from nowhere. Hey Greenies! It comes from power plants which you oppose on a selective basis! That's where! [I'm convinced the environmentalists are trying to replace all our existing power plants with those that run on big batteries.] And they promote natural gas cars, which emit only 'harmless' water vapor. "Harmless?" Isn't water vapor a major constituent of greenhouse gases? Doesn't it have a direct influence on humidity, smog, rain, fog, etc.? We haven't seen a major effect yet because of the dearth of such vehicles out there, but the greenies want more.

We have a normal air pressure [essentially the weight of the atmosphere] at sea level on Earth [14.7 lbs per square inch---that's per square inch of our bodies] that permits us to breathe freely. When water vapor increases in the atmosphere---thus increasing pressure, something else has to go---since our air pressure at sea level must remain the same. "The presence of water vapor in the air naturally dilutes or displaces the other air components as its concentration increases."

In very warm summer air [or excessive use of hybrid vehicles?] , the proportion of water vapor can increase the humidity and result in the stuffiness like we can experience in the jungle [or rain forest or chaparral or primevel forest or boscage] or a poorly air-conditioned building.

Consequently, I believe each battery operated or hybrid or natural gas vehicle spewing out water vapor should include as original equipment: a hygrometer [for humidity], a barometer [for air pressure], car diapers [for water vapor], asthma inhalers for those dangerous breathing times, and a danger sign posted clearly on each door. We must be careful at all time. I'm Mr General Science and I approved this message.
***
I received a strange item in the mail yesterday. It was a straight pin, the head of which was ingraved with all the economically accurate statements of President Obama's administration taken directly from his teleprompter during off-duty hours. There was a lot of empty space left over on the pin.

And I got proof! It's a sheet of paper having magazine-cut out letters saying Certificate of Authenticity, just press the reset button. The written words were barely legible: 'this is the real thing.' 'Overcharge' was printed over the the phrase 'reset button.' And the signature was unrecognizable, though there were tiny pictures of CDs and IPods around it. A little oak tree watermark was at the lower left corner; and it had a date stamp from sometime in the 1970s
***
Do we really need to give up even more of our privacy by having sound amplifiers sold willy nilly? Just watch the ads. Snoop on your neighbors. Snoop on others at a party. The ad also promotes it for listening to your children at play. The example shown has a childish attempt of an adult to sound like a child. Besides, don't children need privacy too? Unless your kids are alone, you won't be able to determine their voices from the others anyway. And relying on an ear amplifier of questionable quality [it's only $19.99 after all---but wait! Just for listening, you can get two for the price of one.] might lead you to reduce your visual contact, a sure way of inviting trouble.
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I have nothing against Sarah McLachlin, nor do I have anything against the ASPCA. I deplore the way some dogs are treated and abused. It's unconscionable. But I'm sick and tired of Sarah's commercials. Whenever I hear her sing, all I can think of is her begging for money for dogs and cats. A noble sentiment gone too long and becoming annoying. Imagine how many kids we could save instead. Aren't they more valuable?

Maybe it's me, but I find the most annoying commercials are shown endlessly. I've seen some run back to back to back to back. Help!! Give me a break!
***
It seems many advertisers are asking questions in the beginning of their ads expecting you to be interested in the answer. Well, for starters, if a brand name indoor/outdoor allergy medication wants to know what most sufferers in the United States are allergic to, and two of the choices are peanuts and cats---the other being pollen, what do you think the answer is? Surprise! Just what the medicine needs. And then they repeat the quiz numerous times on the same channel.
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Wow! Those IRS fighters for you are armed and ready to go! One women feels that blowing you down with her in-your-face attitude is the way to present herself to prospective clients. And who are those clients? Well, one in the ad claimed she saved him $150,000, another $100,000, and the third a quarter of a million dollars. So why is she advertising on a blue collar television show? I don't know, but if you're having trouble and owe $1,679.80, don't bother her with it.
***
Perhaps I should be asking those willing advertisers, the gold merchants, why they keep promising to pay higher and higher than the other guy. Look, I realize you guys can't pay full price for gold. You have to process it and make a reasonable profit. I know that. But what about the jewels on the broken jewelry sent to you? Do you pay extra for those? Or do they represent another pure profit portion? You don't mention such items in your ads. Opals, diamonds, rubies, pearls, agates, rhinestones, anyone?
***
I believe that among the 'World's Dumbest' entries should be the stations that carries such garbage, peopled by clowns who are not funny, are proud of their lawbreaking, and, in some shows, are commented on by forgettable ex-celebs. Unfortunately, I catch them on occasion when I'm a little early for the show I really want to see.
***
I just heard another lawyer advertisement looking for new clients. Naturally, the firm's partners build their reputation up, using the standard client [actor] testimonials. This time, a women states with a straight face: "...they're more than lawyers, they're human beings." Well, now we know. Most lawyers aren't human beings. Only those in that particular law firm are. I wonder what the other firms think about that?

New and Improved

The advertising industry is really getting to me, and that's surprising since in the past I've been very tolerant of ad intrusiveness.

My current bugaboo is the advertising activity on many websites, but especially that of USA Today. It seems that every time I change a web page, I'm stuck with a pop-up advertisement covering most of the page with no 'x' at the top to close it. Add to that the ads popping up when my cursor happens to cross a smaller ad, and you get a frustration high.

But, by far, the biggest pain is having to listen to and see the video ad before I can work the crossword puzzle. This is going too far. Can't we do anything on the web without having an ad popping up and annoying us? And, for that matter, why don't our pop-up blockers prevent these?

To some extent I can understand the need for more ads on newspaper websites. The sales of newspapers is dropping precipitously, and the ad revenue is going with it. So it only seems natural that the lost ad supply will wend it's way to the websites.

But, let's not forget television. The station logo in bottom right hand corner is annoying enough, but the pop-up ads at the bottom are over the top. I don't need people walking all around the bottom of the screen, especially when they interfere with the tv program. I'm distressed at the tires and pit crew or racing car appearing in action at the bottom of the screen during a race. Isn't it bad enough, notably on ESPN, that the top and often the bottom of the screen are filled with non-essential information? Do I need a huge wall set in order to see the actual program?

But, to more specific ads.

Do you really think that someone finding your wallet and wanting to return it will act like the man in the tv ad? Standing on the street and calling the man in an apartment twenty floors up is rather strange, but waving a wallet while asking the man to look out the window is absurd. The man in the apartment needs to turn his tv on in order to see what the man in the street is holding.

Despite the occasional news about a grandmother giving birth [usually in the tabloid rags], I wonder why birth control pill advertisers are targeting older people? They list [quickly] a number of risks associated with the medication 'especially if you're over 55. How many of us over 55 are going to be concerned about taking birth control pill in the first place?

I tried to find a free American flag to post on my Vista gadget section. I had a terrible time trying to find one, but I succeeded in the end. Where, might you ask, did I find it? On a website based in Romania.

I contacted J G Wentworth recently and applauded their opera commercial. You've probably seen and heard it. It's a Wagnerian style short opera based on the phone number for the annuity and structured-settlement firm. The music is terrific. The structured settlement buyout doesn't apply to me. But if it did, I might consider the company.

Anyway, I did send a congratulatory email. And, surprise, I go a rather quick reply, asking for my address. Did I expect a visit from a hitman? Certainly, not. Did I expect Michael Anthony with his $million check? Sadly, no. A job offer? A free trip to Hawaii?

No, what I did receive was a bobble-head doll of the company president. While I'm appreciative of the gift, I was hoping the company would send me something non-commercial and without further advertising. And to add insult to injury, the bobble-head was made in China!

When you fork over $20 for a 9/11 commemorative, non-circulation $20 Liberian coin, what are you getting? At the recent exchange rate of $.1562, your 'silver leaf' [only a silver veneer over another type of base], costing about $3-4 US to create [including the silver], is worth about 31 cents US. And remember, it's non-circulating Liberian currency. I wouldn't try to cash it in, especially if 31 cents isn't going to do much for you.

Am I finished? Well, yes---at least for this time. This was another in a series of articles on 'Better Living' for the American media viewer and taxpayer.

Junior Frolics and Associates Part 7 of 8

What else did we see? Charles Dickens' 'Oliver Twist' [1948] with Obi Wan Kenobi the younger [Alec Guinness,] and Robert Newton was the epitome of Long John Silver in 'Treasure Island' [1950.] I liked Newton better than Noah Beery as the peg-legged pirate. The 'Thief of Baghdad' [1940] with Sabu and Tim Whelan---I could have watched that movie once a day for years. Sabu with his flying carpet inspired me to write an Arabian short story years later [currently shelved due to political considerations.] The mysterious and strange 'Scarlet Pimpernel' [1935] of Leslie Howard was a Sunday afternoon treat. The 'Adventures of Robin Hood' [1938] in all its black and white glory allowed the straight shooting Errol Flynn to save Olivia de Havilland. Another presentation was 'Captain Blood' [1935,] a rousing sea adventure again showing Errol Flynn as Peter Blood ['…Colonel Darling! ...'] yet again winning the hand of Olivia de Havilland. Those two stars made eight movies together.

And who could skip 'King Kong' [1933] and the jungle adventure on Skull Island with Faye Wray, Robert Armstrong, and the ingénue, Mr. Kong. Or 'Frankenstein' [1931] with Colin Clive, Mae Clark, and the unbilled Boris Karloff. This film was scary in black and white, and imbedded in my young mind the scariness of dark, mountaintop, castle laboratories. I've always avoided such places---not that I was ever invited to one. I wonder how scary the movie would have been in color. Frankenstein's monster was really green.

The dark and eerie images of Bela Lugosi's 'Dracula' [1931] stayed with me for a long time---in scary black and white. '…I vant to bite your neck…'---perhaps not a direct quote, but in Lugosi's accent, it would have been a scary phrase. I was very happy to have Zacherley cut the horror a bit with his comedy. Thank you, John. I hope your wife's brain hasn't been served with onion dip.

Dracula and Frankenstein, partnered with the compelling life of Larry Talbot seen in the 'Wolf Man' [1941---year of the wolf bane,] to make the Big Three horror movies of my youth. I watched them numerous times; black and white, nothing graphic (spurring imagination was the key,) no gore, but pure Gothic terror at times for a young boy of the fifties.

When Dad spent the evening donating carpentry service to the Church? Why that was a good time for Happy Felton and the Dodger game, again with me on the floor in front of the TV with my Hershey ice cream or blue cheese and crackers---slowly disappearing into the setting son.

Happy Felton, a rotund fellow who looked rather silly in a Dodger uniform, had a pre-game show just before the Dodger games. Down the right field line, the guest Dodger player would usually throw or fungo hit a ball for the kid contestants to catch against the right field bullpen wall. The player then chose the best of three to win the contest. The kid generally won some memorabilia, baseball equipment, or both.

Happy also had a regular Saturday show, 'Happy Felton's Knothole Gang,' with guest players from the New York teams teaching kids baseball basics. The kids were taught in Ebbets Field, the Polo Grounds, and Yankee Stadium. It ran from 1950 to 1957. I guess it ended, in part, because the Dodgers and Giants moved from New York City to the West Coast leaving two-thirds of his ballparks empty.

Friday was grocery-shopping night for our family. We went with Mom and Dad when I was very young, but I could tell that Dad didn't enjoy the trip. He treated it as a responsibility and not as an enjoyable experience. I wasn't much older when the trip turned to an us and Mom-only expedition. Sometimes I went, but I was more likely to stay at home watching educational western TV or the Dodgers. So, most of the time, Mom went alone---well, not entirely. I guess little Mary Anne went with her.

And when she returned, I'd help unload the car. After which, I'd spend a few minutes looking through the bags to see what Mom had bought---not putting things away, mind you, but checking things out. Cookies, candies, and crackers were usually opened before the rest of the bags were empty. Oreos, Hydrox, Peanut Butter Creams, and chocolate chips were the cookies of choice. We also enjoyed Premium Saltine Crackers with almost anything. I had wheat crackers for my blue cheese.

Our grocery shopping was done at the A & P in downtown Middletown, near the phone company. It's not that we had a lot of choices. Other than the Grand Union on Orchard Street across from the library, there wasn't anyplace else of size to shop. There was the local Markovitz at the other end of town, and several other smaller groceries around, including Shoemaker's down our street at Larkin's corner [where I voted every year for Miss Rheingold.] But their prices were higher [though phenomenally cheap by today's standards], and they had limited selections. We only used the latter when we needed a few things and couldn't go to the A & P. When I was young, the stores were relatively small. No one even imagined a super-store. In the A & P, which was miniscule compared to the current stores, there were narrow aisles, stuffed shelves, the aroma of ground Eight O'clock Coffee pervading the air, a basic selection of fresh produce [in smaller quarters, the aromas are stronger,] and a bin of empty product boxes near the front. The A & P even had its own house brand of beer, though I don't know anyone who dared taste it. Noise and conversation abounded while our groceries were packed in paper bags or the binned boxes as we chose. Big, black cash registers were used and filled the air with even more noise. Ka-chink. Ka-chink.

When I'd be with Mom shopping, I'd push the cart with my attention directed around me to see who else was there. Thus, I often ran over Mom's poor heels in front of me. She'd have something to say about it, but I'd be likely to do it again. Maybe that's part of the reason she didn't mind my staying home and leaving the grocery shopping to her and Mary Anne.

Most stores were open to 9 pm on Friday nights. The rest of the week saw 6 pm closings, and everybody was closed on Sundays. This schedule was pretty standard, and I remember working at Green's Department Store from 1964-66 when we'd be open only on Friday nights. Of course the Christmas season was different. The stores remained open later each night as a matter of course–but still only until nine.

Except for the Yankees, 'Perry Mason,' and an occasional movie we hadn't seen before, Mom and Dad didn't watch television all that much. Dad occasionally watched Wednesday night or Friday night boxing when there was nothing else to engage his interest or Sugar Ray Robinson was on the card. Dad was an adherent of the concept that Sugar Ray was, 'pound for pound' the best boxer around. [Though that concept, literally, doesn't make much sense.] If we were all in the living room, we'd be watching television, and Dad and Mom would be reading---a habit I picked up. I can read anything light while the TV is on. Anything heavy or more intellectual will require silence. So the TV goes off.

I toiled on my homework upstairs in my room or downstairs at the kitchen table while Mom washed the dishes. I liked to have her immediately available to answer a question or deny having the knowledge. Any questions mathematical or physical were normally saved for Dad. I'd open the learning season by choosing new supplies such as a protractor, compass, pencils, pens, rulers---though they'd go missing when the next summer came around.

I used all those supplies, and usually brought some home each night in a book bag. Nobody used knapsacks, and we didn't have lockers. We could leave some books and notes in our desks, which had flip-tops, since for the most part we didn't change desks or classrooms. In high school it wasn't cool to use the book bags anymore. We could use small gym bags or use a rubber strap around the loose books, or just carry the books themselves. We still didn't have any lockers in high school either, but at that point we didn't care. The books used were simply too heavy to cart home unless we needed them for homework. The only desk storage space was underneath the seat. But, really, who would have stolen a Latin or Algebra textbook?

As with any youth, my homework was sometimes sketchy or forgotten. Amid the laughing and yelling on the high school bus, we'd compare our night's work, I'd share my work, or I'd copy from someone else's efforts if I agreed with him. I 'borrowed' from Jack Mills enough to have him comment about it in my yearbook. I was no slouch in criticizing his work either, but still---better a wrong something than nothing at all. There were many other pens and pencils working on the bus ride, so I wasn't alone in 'borrowing' homework. And as necessary, I lent my Latin efforts to others, even Jack. Fair is fair! Besides, nobody but Madeleine could translate Latin with any competence, and she wouldn't participate in our fair and balanced swapping. Usually, most of the rest of us were all off base. My efforts usually had numerous blank spaces for missing words or phrases. Opera publicus, Sister Chabonel!

Surprisingly, we didn't talk much about the previous night's TV fare, unless it was important for some reason: major cold war news, changes to the hierarchy in the USSR, the newest rock and roll songs, new model cars, major league baseball games or trades, or local news of note, or the latest romantic pairings. But mostly we had our own concerns.

I know. I know. I'm off the TV track and on the bus track to school. But, everything just flows, rather like responding to an essay question for which I actually know the answer. So, I let my mind wander wherever it wants to go---stream of consciousness as it were.

Back in the fifties, we could actually tell the difference between cars and the models of each make, as well as their years of manufacture. The models changed quite a bit each year, and kept us memorizing. Seeing them in a sunny situation was sometimes awe-inspiring. Man and machine. These days, you can't tell one model from another or one nameplate from another, and the cars are decidedly not awesome. Cookie-cutter cars, as it were---with the exception of the Chrysler 300 and Dodge Charger, which look like each other. And they both look like the Bentley. And I like all three, though I'd still rather have a jaguar. We didn't really track the changes in annual television set models---though I must say again that the Sylvania halo television appealed to my tender years.

I wasn't the type who could study amid loud rock and roll, or loud anything for that matter. In high school and college my study habits were rather quiet. I made my noise in social situations. We maintained a quiet home at 126 Cottage, except when Mom and Dad were yelling at each other.

Not noisy at home? I can still laugh about the time Mom caught me in my room singing 'Mack the Knife,' with Bobby Darin's versions on the radio and the record player all bellowing or blasting at the same time--- well…I wasn't studying, that's for sure. Mom opened the door and scared the hell out of me. Couldn't she have waited until the song was over?

Junior Frolics & Associates Part 6 of 8

'The Million Dollar Movie' [M$DM] was an interesting concept. The same movie played at 7:30 pm and then again at 10 pm [during the day on weekends] on WOR-TV, Channel 9, a local channel. And this for an entire week! Some of the times changed over the years, but the M$DM lasted for quite some time: 'King Kong', 'Yankee Doodle Dandy', 'Mighty Joe Young', 'Three Husbands', 'Adventure in Baltimore' etc. Not every movie could be a M$DM. Only ones which could gather your attention over and over and not become stale---and me and Mary Anne could attest to that. We watched some of them weekday evenings at the early showing, and on weekends during the daylight hours. [Movies changed on Mondays.]

You don't see that kind of station or network dedication today. One exception is one of the true marathons of one show I've ever seen on TV. Spike TV showed CSI for an entire week. All the time. Every hour a different episode. From 9 am thru 3 am. From Monday through Friday. It filled in a lot of dead time as background for these essays when nothing very interesting was on any of the other stations. I usually have the TV on for company these days, and I can write these essays while they keep me interested between sentences. [USA does have frequent mini-marathons with Law and Order CI or Law and Order: SVU for a whole day] Other than the M$DM, there weren't any marathons in early TV.

Running times for the 'Million Dollar Movie' depended on the length of the movies, and how much had been cut to disinfect them for our poor minds. But, the movies were generally an hour and a half, some two. There were fewer commercials at the time [yet we still complained.] These days, with so many cable channels, you can see one movie a hundred times over the period of a few months. But it'll be hit or miss and won't be on a regular schedule. And I've seen movies on modern channels interrupted by numerous commercials---often at a poorly appointed time---the break often going up to three minutes. TV film editors continue to be lacking a cylinder or two.

Among the movies I particularly remember from that M$DMovie' series were 'Yankee Doodle Dandy' [1942] with Jimmie Cagney and Joan Leslie ['…born on the fourth of July...'] the story of George M. Cohan, the prolific composer and showman, and “Mighty Joe Young' (1949) with Terry Moore. This latter movie featured a stirring rendition of 'Beautiful Dreamer,' proving that the right music can decidedly tame the wild beast. It tamed Mr. Joseph Young of Africa, and it can always tame me. Mary Anne and I loved those two movies, and when they were on the M$DM, we must have seen each one a dozen times during its week. They were definitely one of the movies we had “seen before.'

I still remember lying on the floor watching Jimmie Cagney faking old age, kicking up his heels, dancing around the stage, singing, marching with his movie family, and being rightly humble with President Roosevelt. The music sold me on the pre-war tin-pan-alley tunes. As for Mr. Joseph Young of Africa, I can still see him playing tug of war with the 'strong' men, of whom Primo Carnera was the only one I recognized as being authentic, though I had heard of the Swedish Angel, Killer Kuwalski, and Man Mountain Dean. Later in the movie, Joe was a sight riding in the back of a moving truck, peaking out, shaking his fist, and then climbing out to scale a burning building to save the orphans. Hot stuff! And that fire scene had an orange tint throughout, reminiscent (I suppose) of the silent movie era---although I didn't know that until later when I had a color TV.

Junior Frolics and Associates Part 5 of 77,845

I'm a bit late with this installment, because I found a new interest and delved into it full blast. Genealogy. I discovered a lot about my family, especially those from the old countries, Ireland and Italy. I'm still heavily into to, notably with a free trial at a genealogy site---and detailed investigations of census data---but I took the time today to catch up on my blogs.

Speaking of horror movies [I was?], who could forget Zacherley? (John Zacherle) He introduced late night horror movies and integrated his 'comedy” with the films. I think he was only shown in New York City when I saw him: Channel 11 (WPIX) at 11:15 pm Monday and Friday. Of course, I usually enjoyed his antics only on Friday. Dad and Mom went to bed after the 11:00 news and weather (fifteen minutes,) so I had free reign on watching the horror movie until I was ordered to bed. Mom never seemed to forget I was still up and watching TV. Dad could sleep through anything.

My research shows that Zacherley was on 'Shock Theater' from September 1958 to April 1959. I spent many hours (again on the floor with my Hershey's Ice Cream or blue cheese and crackers) watching: his ghostly appearance; his laboratory where he experimented on his wife's 'brain' (actually a head of cauliflower–--and we all knew it;) his scraping of a tin cup along jail bars during a prison movie; and the many other hilarious interruptions during his 'B' movie presentations: these all made the silly horror and other mysteries a lot more interesting. I liked them better than the current episodes of gore. Too bad Zacherley aged and is no longer actively with us.

While I never got to see Vampira, I've seen a lot of the more recent horror movie hostess, Elvira. But these days, there are no similar hosts because horror movies have gone gory, and any host humor would mean little other than poor taste to the viewers. Robert Osborne of TCM is too stiff to introduce the old genre films properly on TCM, and other horror hosts are too juvenile and silly, and that's saying a lot when compared to the likes of Zacherley. Some teens and teenyboppers may enjoy the current blood baths, but they're still not family fare.

Did you wake up to J Fred Muggs and Dave Garroway? Or go to sleep after Steve Allen, Jack Paar, or Johnny Carson? In our area, the New York local news we watched was at 11 pm with John McCaffrey and it lasted ten minutes. The weatherman, Tex Antoine, took another five thanks to sponsor Con Ed. He explained the weather with magnetic images of clouds, snow, or sunshine on the metal part [something like a rebus] and drew Uncle Wethbee on the drawing board part. John Cameron Swayze [before his Timex Watch commercials] and Douglas Edwards were also newscasters of the period.

At 11:20 we could enjoy the first ten minutes of the 'Steve Allen Show' [from New York at the time.] This portion was called a Variety Show. At 11:30, the rest of the country tuned in to the show, now named 'The Tonight Show'---which was on until 1 am. I enjoyed Steve Allen, but I was rarely allowed to stay up to watch him during the week. I'm glad he had another show earlier in the evening. In later years, I enjoyed his TV specials 'Meeting of the Minds' and a series of mystery novels. Steve also composed some 1100 songs. Yes, he was a very funny and talented fellow.

At one time, we had a brown, bakelite, AM radio. Mom used it to listen to Joe Ryan and other personalities of the day on Local Wall-1040 all the time---but mostly Joe. He sweet-talked most of the Middletown women, but sadly, his looks never matched his suave, housewife-attracting voice. I liked to listen to the music, but that radio was mom's. Others used it only on rare occasions, like the Middletown-Port Jervis football game on Thanksgiving. Dad only listened to the radio in the car [too often tuned to the Yankee baseball game, as far as I was concerned.] It was his car and his radio.

While we ran through several console and tabletop radios, we had only one TV. While we must have had earlier ones, the TV I remember was a FADA. I don't remember what model of this brand we had [they were probably just number and letter combinations], but the company stopped making its TV sets in 1956. Our set must have been from a few years before that, probably 1952 or 1953. I don't remember our buying a TV in 1954 or 1955. Other TVs always seemed on the greener side of life, and I liked the Sylvania sets with their Halo lights around the screen. I see that in ads today offering Phillip's flat-screen TV sets with 'ambient' light. The light changes with the screen image to expand the viewing sense. No new concept there.

Our FADA served us well for a long time and financed the education of the children of two TV repairmen, Walt and then Jerry. We saw them so often, especially around dinner-time, they became a part of our family. Walt's father had been a doctor, and I guess treating sick TV sets was Walt's way of carrying on the spirit. But it was my father who saved the day when he carried the set to the porch and watched the fire burn out. Even after that, we had it repaired and returned to loving service. We kids once had a three-color plastic sheet that was stuck onto the TV screen using the available static electricity: blue at the top (sky,) green in the middle (grass,) and brown on the bottom (dirt.) That was supposed to simulate color. It didn't.

Sundays was 'Wonderama' time. It starred Sonny Fox and Sandy Becker and sported: western movies, art instruction, quizzes, fairy tales, folk dances, Captain Video, animal guests---pretty much everything across the spectrum. The two hosts alternated, but I liked Fox better. We were particularly appreciative of the special Wonderama Christmas Shows in 1956, 1957, and 1959. They included caroling, dancing, interviews, kids, toys, etc. The Picture for a Sunday Afternoon (Sunday, 1 pm) was always best after I had made a quick trip to Larkin's. Mom gave me money, and I picked out penny candy with Ray Frink, the store manager---who always seemed to be there. I'd choose what I wanted with a consideration of Mom and Dad, though they really didn't have any favorites. They didn't eat much of the candy anyway.

I could choose from Mary Janes, wrapped caramels, malted milk balls, Sugar Daddys, Sugar Babies, Jujy Fruits, Chocolate Babies, little Tootsie Rolls, watermelon slices, triple-flavor coconut cubes, Bit-O-Honey, Candy Buttons, wax-syrup bottles, gum drops, Mexican Hats, spearmint leaves, licorice pipes, licorice shoe strings, licorice wheels, cherry shoe strings, marshmallow ice cream cones, allsorts, jelly nougats, Jordan Almonds, Walnettos---and if I had a nickel for myself, a package of baseball cards and bubble gum. On Sundays, we didn't go in for hard candy or chewing gum.

We'd all share the sugary bounty while watching the likes of L'il Abner [before the musical,] Gunga Din, Beau Geste, King Kong, and Double Indemnity. We saw 'Scatter Good Baines,' Edward G. Robinson, Randolph Scott, Ray Milland, Fred McMurray, George Raft, Humphrey Bogart, and James Cagney regularly. They were in mysteries, westerns, gangster movies, light comedies, or drama [1930s and 1940s.] 'Top of the World, Ma!' The movies were black and white (not that we could have seen them in color anyway,) and were all pre-1950s. After all, that was the 1950s! Nothing current was shown on television then.

Mom was usually reading a book [often a Perry Mason novel] and Dad was reading the print off the Sunday News, Sunday Mirror, and Journal-American. The aroma of dinner still lingered throughout the house. Peace reigned. I was still delaying my home work, but my un-aching back was stable on the floor while I exercised my eyes on the FADA.

Come to think of it, by reading several newspapers completely, Dad was probably quite well informed about the activities of the day that had reached newsprint. It's just that he didn't talk much about them with us. If he did with Mom, he did it in private. I still read the Sunday News, especially the Justice Story, partially in his honor. For some reason or another, I rarely spoke with either parent about the news of the day. But I do remember walking into the dining room and seeing the Daily News on the table with the blaring headline about the execution of the Rosenbergs. But even then, there was no family discussion. I didn't fully understand anything about them, but I was still in the phase where all government, media, and businesses were the last word about everything.

One of my favorite newspaper inserts was the recent complete NY Daily News from 1963. The features, comics, and ads brought back many memories. I do miss the Sunday Mirror and the Sunday Journal American. They had good comics and a different slant on sports, but the Unions put them out of business years ago.

Junior Frolics and Associates Part 1 of 56,927

The 1950s boasted of television in its commercial infancy and my childhood. We both eventually grew up---though we both still have our juvenile points and have had some rocky paths to cover. My memories of live television and the early half-hour taped and live shows were from a child's and adolescent's point of view but remain strongly in my adult mind. And I often reminisce about the 'good old days', especially when I groan through a new 'classic' on broadcast TV---Law & Order excepted.

Who and what do I remember in those early days of black and white TV? For one thing, I remember always laying on my back on the floor, with a pillow under my head so I'd be comfortable watching the tube. I'd often have a pint of Hershey's ice cream or blue cheese and crackers to wile away the evening. With cable non-existent, we watched local stations via the antenna on the roof of the house. [Is the satellite receiver much different in concept?] But, being near New York City, we did have a decent selection: 2 [CBS,] 4 [NBC,] 5 [WABD Dumont,] 7 [ABC,] 9 [WOR,] 11 [PIX], and 13 [WATD from Newark.] The New York Yankees were on 11, the Brooklyn Dodgers were on 9 [the Giants were somewhere I think], and Junior Frolics [cartoons] was on 13. In our family, those were the important channels. The science fiction shows consisted of the likes of Buck Rogers, Captain Video, and Captain Midnight, and later Twilight Zone.

These evening 'repasts' were best enjoyed with the Dodger baseball game, Milton Berle, Jack Benny, Burns and Allen, Red Skelton, Jackie Gleason, 'Perry Mason', [Twilight Zone was usually seen at Jim Dineen's home] or if later in the evening, Steve Allen and Zacherly [John Zacherle.]

But, to the younger days. The Cowboys and Indians were well represented, though not through sports. The Roy Rogers and Dale Evans Show “…Happy trails to you…” was new and fresh [it used Pat Brady's jeep, Nellybelle] with gunshots that never hit anybody and the stars' singing to boot. Gunsmoke with Jim Arness [Marshal Dillon,] Amanda Blake [Kitty,] and Dennis Weaver [Chester] limping his way across the action, was on for eighteen years. I didn't know at the time that Arness had acted as the 'Thing From Another Planet' a few years earlier. Broken Arrow was a show with a different point of view. Starring Michael Ansera as 'Cochise.' the show was based on the novel 'Broken Arrow' by Elliott Arnold. 'Broken Arrow' of note, is an Indian symbol for peace. Perhaps the connection among these shows was that no matter how many gunshots were heard, the heroes and stars were never hurt much. And when they received a wound, it seemed to disappear rather quickly.

To the rousing tune of the William Tell Overture, The Lone Ranger and Tonto rode into my living room every week on Silver and Scout. “Who is that masked man?” ---a weekly question to end each episode as the Lone Ranger disappeared from the scene. The Lone Ranger always had the right answer, and Tonto was his executive officer, as it were. It's just that Tonto was the one who got beat up all the time. His was often a spy's job, and he had to suffer the consequences. I think the Lone Ranger 'sprung' him from jail about a hundred times a year---without acknowledging that he was often the one who got him in the calaboose in the first place. Take a listen to Bill Cosby and you'll get an idea of how Tonto must have felt. Cosby has the straight skinny. Most of the above half-hour shows [Gunsmoke, at least, was an hour] were broadcast on Saturdays during the daylight hours. Better for kids. Though the sugary cereals advertised weren't better for the kids. I was a Rice Krispies kid. I couldn't stomach the library paste, oatmeal, though I could weather the storm with an occasional bowl of Maypo, Cream of Wheat, Wheateena, and the like.

And the old cowboy movies! Day and Night. They were regular TV fare and enjoyable to look forward to. Mostly from the thirties and forties, they featured Bob Steele, Tim Holt, Lash La Rue, Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, Bob Livingston, William Boyd's Hopalong Cassidy, John Wayne and Randolph Scott. How dare they call their efforts 'B Movies'? We enjoyed sidekicks like Gabby Hayes [Roy Rogers, John Wayne and Hopalong Cassidy,] Fuzzy Knight, Smiley Burnett (Gene Autry), Indian Chief Thundercloud, Iron Eyes Cody (who was really Italian,) and Jay Silverheels (Tonto.) I can still see Gabby Hayes, ragged beard and all, smiling with his “Aw, Hoppy” during a movie, usually at the required humorous ending.

Well, awe gee, golly. This is long enough. We'll meet Annie Oakley, Sky King and Paladin and the Brooklyn Dodgers in the next installment.