Lawyers in Sharkskin Suits

It's really getting ridiculous on TV with the attorney ads. The latest editions have suggested how the legal staffs prepare for them. As you know, medical literature describes all medications in detail, right through the chemistry. It tells you how the medication works and what organs it affects---Then, it gives you detailed information on side effects and warnings. "Don't take this medication if you have..." Do not exceed...pills in a 24-hour period. "Discuss with your doctor if you suffer from..." The information details go on aud nauseam about the dangers of the stuff. And, because of these sue-happy lawyers, any medication ad spends more time listing side effects than it does talking about the medication itself. Notice the magazine ads with two pages of medical information?

Lawyers Approaching the Bench by Jeff Leedy

Back to the commercials. Apparently, the attorneys' staffs read about the side effects and other important information about a drug, make an ad misleading the listener based on that information, and frighten them into shunning the medication in the first place. This causes needless suffering, but the lawyers catch a client or two from the many who call them trying to cash in on something. Is there any wonder why sharks are pictured in the dictionary at the description of attorney/lawyer? Anything to promote their business, eh?

In their defense, however, I'll say that on occasion they do a service---such as the recent commercials about the trans-vaginal mesh. There's a lot of controversy about the mesh's use, though the ad never mentions the health damage of doing nothing in the first place. A conundrum.

Talk to your doctor about medications you are prescribed. They all have side effects. They use the liver or kidneys to be processed after their medical applications, and then they leave, usually through the urine. Find out about interactions between drugs you're taking. Overdoses are generally where most of the problems are, followed by prior-medical problems and drug interactions. Every medication on the market has side effect, and the providers go into the necessary details about them.

I have gout in a big toe and arthritis in my hands. The only medication [other than habit-forming amounts of narcotics] that helps is the OTC Aleve aka Naproxen Sodium. Taken for a few days provides welcome relief. But the medication is removed via the kidneys, and because of diabetes, I only have a third of my kidney function left. So, the doctor told me not to take it more than once or twice a week---if I had to. If I took it more, I might end up with a complete kidney failure, and the lawyers would be crowding at my door for me to sue someone. There's nothing more scary than to wake up with a haze and see the grinning shark teeth of a lawyer 'there to protect my rights.'

Lawyer in a Sharkskin Suit painting by Ryan Berkley

I wonder about these attorneys, though. I'll bet you even money that they use some of the same products they're railing against. You don't think an attorney is going to take an aspirin or a Tylenol for a headache? Is he concerned about liver failure? What about the other drugs they rail against: Avandia or insulin for diabetes; ? How do they treat or cure their afflictions---and they do have afflictions like other humans [as the woman said in one regularly televised ad "...he treated me well. He's more than a lawyer; he's a human being..." thus leading us to understand that the average lawyer [not in that firm] is not a human being]? What species is he?
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According to a recent commercial, H & R Block is opening up millions of offices in your homes. Does that mean you reap the benefits of rent, insurance, cleaning, telephone, Internet access, profit sharing and the like? Does Block have to pay extra taxes for all those offices? There must be truth and more details in advertising.